Act I, Scene 1:

Donald Trump and wife Melania descend the escalator at Trump Tower to announce his candidacy. He sings an aria called, “I Love Myself, I Love Money, and Mexicans Are Rapists,” which includes the catchy passage about shooting someone on 5th Avenue.

A small chorus of reporters sings in harmony with Melania. The reporters sing about how this won’t last and Jeb will win. Melania, in the poignant “I Didn’t See It Coming,” sings about how, following surgery, she can no longer fully open or close her eyes.

Act I, Scene 2:

The inauguration. Dignitaries enter to the march, “I Love a Swamp.” Trump sings his inaugural solo about giving the country back to the people, sotto voce, while Nancy Pelosi sings a “rage aria,” a staple of Italian opera. Michelle Obama harmonizes with Pelosi and sings about reunited lovers. Jimmy Carter breaks a hip but remains standing and smiling.

Act II, Scene 1:

Trump’s office: A wall retracts to reveal floor-to-ceiling TV sets, all set to stations or programs showing Trump. Trump sings the aria “I Love Fox and Friends.” A constant stream of men in suits — and two or three women — file through the room dancing and singing the praises of Trump. They enter through a door marked “Hired” and exit through a door marked “Fired.” A third door says “Go Directly to Jail.”

Act II, Scene 2:

The wall with the TVs swivels, the lights darken, and cages are revealed with children inside, crying. Vice President Pence approaches and looks on. He asks an aide for his red telephone, a direct line to his wife. He calls his wife (whom he calls “Mother”) and asks for her advice. She appears in a spotlight upstage and they sing a duet about praying together. When he leaves, one of the guards stands by the cages and sings a beautiful lullaby. The children’s chorus joins in as they fall asleep.

Act III, Scene 1:

The scene is a MAGA rally. The crowd sings a favorite chorus of “Lock Her Up.” Trump is approached by an aide and informed that the coronavirus COVID-19 virus has arrived in the United States and is causing thousands of deaths. The aide asks Trump to think about what he wants to say. When the aide leaves, Trump sings, “Why, I’ll lie, of course. What does he think I’ll do?” Trump sings and dances the comic “Thirteen to Twenty-three,” an aria based on the tally by the Washington Post of the number of lies he tells every day.

Act III, Scene 2:

As the death toll soars, Trump no longer responds. He moves his family to safety at Mar-a-Lago and returns to playing golf and lying about testing, tracking and fatalities. At one of his four-hour press conferences, he announces the cure: intense doses of light and, more importantly, disinfectant. Reporters and doctors sing the sarcastic “Clorox Cure!”

He summons his family: Melania, Don Jr., Eric, Ivanka and Jared. They sing the reverent “Ode to Daddy.” He asks everyone there to prove their loyalty, and drink the Clorox Cure.

Downstage, hidden in a garden, are younger daughter Tiffany, who wasn’t invited, and youngest son Barron, who rarely appears in public. Tiffany and Barron sing a duet about being excluded, reminiscent of “There’s a Place for Us” from West Side Story. Tiffany tells Barron that she’ll take him to California and take care of him. She sings a sweet “What’s in a Name?” telling him they named her after a jewelry store, and they didn’t even spell his name right.

Melania hands a cup to Trump and he puts it to his lips … and pauses. Before he drinks, all family members drop to their deaths one by one. (Trump bends over Jared to check because, really, Jared always looks like a corpse). Trump walks to center stage, raises the glass to his lips, but doesn’t drink. Blackout. Curtain.

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Mary Kay O'Grady

Mary Kay O'Grady is a former high school English teacher and later owned her own public relations business, The O'Grady Group. She has lived in Oak Park for almost fifteen years. She is currently the chairperson...

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