You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why … This is what we’ve been waiting for!
And yet. And yet. There is no way the impeachment process will be straightforward. It’s bound to be very upsetting for sentient beings. Expect lots of lies, lies, lies, sex and videotape. There will be lies that make you feel like you are nuts or that Trump and his minions are nuts. Hint: It’s not you. There will not be actual sex, even though his payoffs to women might be brought up, but I imagine he will escalate his “locker room talk” during his diatribes.
Impeachment will likely be a continuation of what Vice President Gerald Ford called “our long national nightmare” when he took over the presidency from the disgraced Richard Nixon. I think we can safely say Trump’s exit will not be like Nixon’s. As devious, self-righteous and jealous as Nixon was, he had the grace and good sense to resign when he was caught. Trump is the very antonym of “grace,” and probably — no definitely — considers grace a weakness.
Here are a few tips for surviving what’s to come:
Don’t leave the TV on all day. This will be difficult, depending on who’s testifying, but anything important will be repeated several times throughout the day. Or maybe it won’t. The daily scandals are quickly becoming three-a-days. Maybe that’s why Ari Melber doesn’t have time to shave.
If you miss anything, get up early and watch Morning Joe on MSNBC. Settle on a news outlet you can trust. If you don’t have MSNBC, that means you are probably a frugal, sensible person, and not a political junkie like I am. I admire you. On the other hand, this is history. By the way, when I decided to drop my Xfinity package and just watch CNN, I found out I’d lose CNN too!
Speaking of Ari Melber (who’s on MSNBC at 5 p.m.), he has several regulars who are terrific: the divine Maya Wiley, whose crisp authority and intricate hairdos are riveting; John Flannery, who’s been around forever; and the raspy-voiced Richard Painter, who calls them as he sees them.
This is no time to ignore or cut down on your psychotropics or alcohol, but don’t overdo either. Don’t drink every time a Republican lies. You’ve got to be able to explain to your grandchildren that this is not the way the country is supposed to work. If other loved ones are Trump believers, try to avoid the words “psycho” and “everlasting fire.”
I hope Trump’s youngest son doesn’t have to show up for any of this. I hope the rest of the children have to sit through every minute of it. No sense worrying about Melania. She does straight-face almost as well as Pence.
I wonder how it will all end. Will Trump refuse to leave if he’s found guilty? I don’t see Trump resigning. Maybe he’ll take the nuclear codes and there will be a televised chase like O.J. Simpson in the white Bronco, with Giuliani driving. Trump and Giuliani on the run, but can either one of them still drive anything but a golf cart?
I know what I’ll do when it gets too horrifying. I love Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on Netflix. It’s Seinfeld driving around in old classic cars with comedian friends talking about, well, nothing and everything. It’s funny, lovely and sane.