When someone comes forward months or years after a sexual assault, the first question many people ask is, “Why did she wait?” Recently, TV personality Megyn Kelly has put that question back in the headlines, suggesting the account of the young woman on Cornell’s campus can’t be trusted. She also gave voice to other myths which have long been debunked but continue to be embraced, doing great harm.
As a family physician who has practiced in Oak Park for more than 35 years, and who has spent much of my career teaching doctors about violence against women, I can tell you that delay is not a red flag. It is the norm. Most survivors never report to police at all, and those who do often take months or years. They wait because they fear not being believed. Because the person who harmed them is usually someone they know. Because shame and blame are powerful, as is watching how other victims who come forward are treated. And because the trauma response itself — freezing, going numb, trying to carry on as if nothing happened — is how the human brain protects us, even years later.
I have sat with patients who told me for the first time decades later. Their silence was not evidence against them. It was evidence of how much they feared they could lose.
I recently made a short video, “A Family Doctor Responds to Megyn Kelly: The Truth About Rape,” that walks through these myths and what the evidence actually shows. It is free to watch at https://youtu.be/EfwcW2LBZ-8.
I hope parents, students, teachers, coaches, and anyone who may someday be the first person a survivor confides in will take a few minutes with it. How we respond in that moment matters more than we know.
Anyone who needs support can reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 24/7, at 800-656-4673.
Marian Sassetti, MD, FAAFP
Retired Family Physician
Asst. professor, Rush Medical College
Oak Park