Last month I attended High Holiday services at Oak Park Temple. I saw people there who I’ve been seeing for 40 years. I recognized most of the ones I’ve known, and we all look a lot older than I recalled. And I couldn’t remember most of their names. And I don’t feel as old as they look.
Madeleine L’Engle wrote, “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” In her short story “Eleven,” Sandra Cisneros describes our earlier ages remaining inside us “like the rings inside a tree trunk.”
Aging isn’t simply leaving younger selves behind; it’s accumulating selves. And hopefully, changing and learning as we go. At 70 or 80, the child, adolescent, young adult, parent, worker, lover, and friend we have been are still part of who we are.
I don’t ride a motorcycle anymore, I ride a bicycle. Last month I rode out to Bellwood on the Prairie Path, probably about 10 miles or so round trip. I’m getting better at it. Changes in mobility can usher in new stages of life – upsides and downsides.
Sometimes people become invisible as we get older. Often, that is not of our own choosing. Invisibility can be imposed by ageism – like the 50-year-old who can’t even land a job interview, let alone a job.
But as we age, some of us choose a degree of invisibility, separate and apart from ageism. Our chosen invisibility might provide privacy, independence or even room to determine our own identity.
And then there’s the difference between being visible and being truly seen.
So when does invisibility become ageism? How can we distinguish between the freedom of choosing our own level of attention and the injustices of being ignored, dismissed or excluded?
***
Speaking of ageism, here’s a quick reminder about the Ageism Awareness Day event this Friday at the 19th Century Club, featuring Raymond Jetson.
Raymond Jetson is founder of the organization “Aging While Black” and author of the book of the same name, subtitled “a radical reimagining of aging and race in America”. Jetson’s messages and insights are important for all of us, no matter what color – important in different ways.
Everybody ages and we’re all in this together.
I hope to see you this Friday on Ageism Awareness Day. Food will be served. Doors open at 6 p.m. And it’s free. And if you do see me there, let me know what you think about the difference between being visible and truly being seen.