If coaching is teaching, then parenting on game day is something else entirely. It’s spectating.
That distinction matters because too often parents arrive at games ready to step into a role that isn’t theirs. Coaching takes time, preparation, and intentionality. Coaches put in hours getting kids ready for game day. As a parent, your job is far simpler and far more important: get your kid to the game on time, prepared, and then enjoy the product.
That’s it.
No one really wants to come to a game to hear an anxiety-riddled, play-by-play telecast of what the team should be doing. Sports, as much as I love them, have a strange way of bringing out the worst in basic etiquette. We forget things like sitting down so everyone can see, lowering our voices, and asking ourselves whether our behavior is affecting the people around us.
I was reminded of this recently at a game where a few parents were giving the referee a hard time about a couple of missed foul calls. The official was clearly a veteran and had reached the end of his patience when he finally turned to a parent and said, “Do you really think I care who wins this game? I’m probably missing calls for both teams.” That shut things down immediately. There were several noticeable glances of appreciation in the crowd. Not because the referee was perfect but because someone finally said what many were thinking.
When parents overcoach during games, we also deny kids the opportunity to figure things out on their own. If you’ve watched enough sports, you can often see mistakes unfolding in slow motion. Kids freeze, hesitate, or look around trying to make sense of what just happened. It’s tempting to jump in with instructions, but we have to remember they’re learning in real time. They don’t have 10,000 hours of experience or a catalog of highlights running through their heads.
The corollary is simple. If you went to see your child perform in a school play and they forgot their lines, it would be wildly inappropriate to shout the dialogue from the audience. You’d give them the space to recover, adapt, and learn. Sports deserve that same grace.
Don’t get me wrong, parents don’t need to sit in shavasana during games. Cheering is good. Celebrating effort is good. Getting excited as a fan is part of the experience. But the stands should be a place of encouragement, not instruction.
When our voices start directing play or venting frustration, the focus quietly shifts from the kids to us. Spectating is actually pretty easy when we let coaches coach, referees referee, and kids play.
Show up prepared. Cheer with joy. Trust the process. Then, after the game, when emotions have cooled and the car ride home begins, that’s the time for coaching your child.
Vince Gay has over 20 years of experience in education, ranging from classroom teacher to building administrator. The proud parent of two school-age children, he has been an active member of the Oak Park community for more than a decade.