When are you going to wakeup from your slumber and realize you’ve been duped one too many times? The wool, the wool man! Stop hiding under the wool! Oh, you’re too good to be had, you’ve simply chosen to look the other way? Well, aren’t you noble. So you’re the guy who leaves the scene of an accident, ignores the ambulance sirens, curtsies past the Salvation Army pot. You should get Most Shallow Dude of the Year Award.  

Oh you, you’re just nave, gullible, detached? Well then I’ve got some manure for sale. It’s $100 a shovel’s load. Before you scoff, you must know that scientific studies have found a convincing link between losing weight while having a plate of manure on your table during dinner time. Send your check in now and receive a free DVD player with no ability whatsoever to play a DVD!

Ah, you think it’s no big deal? You’re the guy who believes if everyone is doing it, then it isn’t a problem. I’ve got something to tell you: Everyone is doing naked pilates in the street at noon on Thursday. See you there!

Jason Giambi should be banned from baseball. The Yankee slugger reportedly admitted under oath during a federal grand jury investigation that he took performance-enhancing drugs to better his baseball career. Giambi cheated on baseball. There’s evidence to prove it, look at his girth in 2000 compared to it now. Not to mention, as stated before, he has apparently ADMITTED TO IT, UNDER OATH.

As far as anyone knows, Pete Rose never cheated on baseball. There’s no self-admission, no evidence that Charlie Hustle knowingly and willingly threw a game so he could collect on a bet. His fall from grace was that he merely bet on baseball.

What’s worse? Betting on the game, or cheating on it? Ask your kids, if you can tear them away from a round of Texas hold’em in the basement.

What does all of this say to young athletes?

That Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield, and Sammy Sosa all graduated with honors from the prestigious Pinocchio School of Dishonesty. Bonds reportedly told the same grand jury that he unwittingly took performance-enhancing drugs. He thought the clear cream he was rubbing on his arthritic knee was indeed intended for his arthritic knee. Bonds reportedly said his personal trainer, Greg Anderson, told him the cream was the nutritional supplement flaxseed oil.

Are you flaxseed kidding me? What did you think when your head ballooned to a beach ball Barry?

The Cubs’ Sammy Sosa, although not directly associated in the current steroid brouhaha, yet a man who mysteriously morphed from svelte to bulky now back to svelte, used a corked bat during a game two seasons ago. He said that he mistakenly used a loaded bat that he reserved for batting practice in order to impress fans. A guy who has had five straight 40-homer seasons against Major League Baseball pitching needs a corked bat to smash dingers off a lousy batting practice pitcher? More lies.   

Nothing is going to come from the recent revelations, save maybe the downsizing of more than a few hulky athletes concerned, not for their health or for the ethics of gamesmanship, but what the public thinks. Bonds’ record-breaking 73 home runs in a single season will stand, albeit stained with the effects of his ‘arthritic’ cream.

Not only does Major League Baseball and the player’s union need to come down hard on cheaters in baseball, but so do you, the fan. Now, I know boycotting baseball isn’t as easy as boycotting bunions, but we can do something here. We can send a message that we’re not going to put up with cheating. 

Winning at all costs can be a fading motto.

E-mail: Bspencer@wjinc.com

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Brad Spencer

Brad Spencer has been covering sports in and around Oak Park for more than a decade, which means the young athletes he once covered in high school are now out of college and at home living with their parents...