Kudos to my friend, colleague and editor, Ken Trainor, for his column in last week’s Wednesday Journal titled, “What my 83-year-old says.” Just the fact that he wrote about that topic is, in and of itself, worthy of compliment. It is an example of not fearing and denying the inevitable. It is an example of trying to live with intention, not just out of habit.
Ken’s “conversation” with his 83-year-old self helps all of us live with intention. He writes of the elephant in the room that most of us ignore, either by choice or out of habit. Thank you, Ken.
I especially like his paragraph: “Between 73 and 83, how many funerals will I attend, how many dear friends and family will I lose? Will I be a fuller human being despite the suffering I may have to endure … or maybe because I suffer? Will I become kinder, more understanding, more patient, wiser?”
This is the key to conscious aging. Realizing the opportunities that can be available to us as we age. In this one paragraph, Ken gets to the heart of the matter. The rest of his column emphasizes a different point of view, which can be summed up by his 83-year-old saying, “You’ve got 10 years. It’s a gift. What are you going to do with it?” Yes, it’s a gift. To me, the important question is, “How are you going to be with it?”
This is the difference between a human doing and a human being.
Since 1900, we’ve added more longevity to our lifespan than all previous human existence. We are in a new phase for our species and we are figuring it out as we go. Our increased longevity gives us the opportunity to get closer to being the person we’d like to be. Of course, in order to do that, we have to have some idea who that person we’d like to be is.
Our third stage of life, no matter how many years it may last, is not only about “doing it now” or accomplishing a bucket list. It’s also about allowing our bucket list to change or to grow or to unfold. We have no idea what might be possible as we age. Let’s allow whatever it is to emerge. Our third stage of life gives us that opportunity if we are open to it.
Yes, our time here is a gift. Purpose is an important part of life. For many of us, purpose is expressed as getting things done.
As we age, what’s really important to us often changes. Let’s not hold with clenched fists to our middle-age “to do” lists. As William Martin writes in The Sage’s Tao Te Ching,
“There is loss in growing older.
But if you can manage not to cling,
your hands will remain open,ready to receive new gifts
of contentment, wisdom and depth of soul.”
Thank you, again, Ken, for putting this discussion on the table and for raising very good points. One thing we have in common is that our columns are all perfectly imperfect.
Sixty years ago, I said “Right On!” Today I say to you, “Write On!”