Frank and Annette Hulefeld are a match made in heaven – perhaps literally.
The Oak Park couple, who have been married for 43 years, were brought together in a way that some could attribute to divine intervention – specifically, a dream and a vision. These were happenings that came after years of chafing against roles that didn’t fit – in Frank’s case, the priesthood, and in Annette’s case, an unhealthy marriage.
The couple first became friends through their respective roles at St. Ignatius Church in Rogers Park. Prior to Father Frank’s arrival from a church in Cincinnati, a nun shared with Annette that she had had a dream in which Jesus said he was sending Father Frank to St. Ignatius just for Annette. Annette didn’t give it much thought. However, she remembers seeing him for the first time at a prayer meeting and thinking, “That’s one good-looking dude of Jesus!”
Shortly after Frank became the parish priest, Annette was hired as the church’s director of social service and volunteer programs, based on her experience serving seniors and the homeless in the community. The two served as sources of support for each other during debilitating personal challenges.
Frank grew up in a very religious family that revered priests and was proud of his chosen vocation. But after two decades, he realized that a priest’s single life was not right for him. When he eventually left the priesthood in early 1981, his father warned him that he was going to lose his soul and spend eternity in hell.
“I felt that I was becoming something that I didn’t want to be and preaching things I didn’t personally believe,” he said. “I was meant to be a lover. I still think I would have been a great priest, but I had fallen in love with Annette and had to be married to her –and my church wouldn’t allow that. And Annette would make a great priest, too; but of course, the church won’t allow that either.”
Annette was working through her own issues – including bouts of chronic physical and mental illness resulting from childhood abuse, a difficult divorce and poverty. Following a nervous breakdown, she was forced to give up taking care of her sons and agreed to let them live with her ex-husband, something she calls the hardest decision she ever made. She wrote about her difficult life in her 2019 memoir, “Rooted in the Stars, Planted on the Earth.”
A second spiritual encounter seemed to confirm that she and Frank were destined for each other. A mentally ill man whom Annette was helping insisted that he had had a vision in which God told him that he had a man for Annette – and the man was Father Frank. This time, she listened.
Annette moved to Oak Park in 1979 to be closer to a job and joined St. Giles’ Family Mass community; Frank followed her. They were married in September 1981 in a friend’s backyard, filled with flowers collected from local funeral homes.
While the Catholic Church won’t accept either of them as priests, Frank and Annette have devoted their adult lives to youth ministry. At 85, Frank is one of the longest serving volunteers with St. Giles’ Appalachia Service Project for teenagers. He was sold on the program the first time he went 15 years ago.
“When I came back from that trip, I felt so alive and wanted to keep that feeling all year long. I developed a deep bond and camaraderie with the teens – we were all just friends working together. I loved them – and they loved me,” Frank said.
According to Frank, the home repair work they do is empowering for the teens as well as for the residents with whom they work.
“The service we do isn’t just fixing up someone’s home. We touch more than just their property. Many of the people live isolated lives and suddenly they have these teenagers descending on them, bringing so much life and energy,” he said.
This summer, Annette, with no small amount of trepidation, joined him for the first time.
“I was a little reluctant to step into ‘Frank-hood’ because the teens love him so much, but the kids in the youth group insisted that I had to go. I told them I was too old and couldn’t even use a hammer – but they told me not to worry and that they would take care of me,” Annette said, laughing. “They were my guardian angels.”
Annette worked with a crew that was building a new ramp for an elderly disabled man and his chronically ill wife. She spent most of her time in the trailer, building a strong connection with the couple, Fred and Carol.
Fred had owned a trucking company but lost everything when he got sick. The new ramp allowed him to get back into his yard to tinker with his tractors. On the last day of the trip, the teenagers tied flowers to the ramp and surprised Fred by blasting on a boombox “Old Rugged Cross,” a favorite song that he hadn’t heard in decades.
“Sometimes I get a little down by what I see in the world, but those wild, zany, kooky, loving kids know that developing relationships can change the world. They need adults who can be friends with them and see and respect them for who they are. They healed many of the wounds I had [from giving up her sons]. They made me feel important,” Annette said.
Annette now has a positive relationship with her sons. Frank, according to Annette, wakes up with a song and goes to bed with a song. And they are still as much in love as they were more than 40 years ago.
“My life has been dramatically changed because of my relationship with Frank,” said Annette.
“Mine, too! And I have never looked back,” said Frank.
