Who is Kaiser Sozi?

Donald Trump really likes competition, grandiosity, power and the trappings of great wealth, but has very little idea of how to be president, except to reward his stooges and take cheap shots at his critics. And remember, he has said, he “loves war.” (Insert involuntary shivers here.)

So what’s the goal? What’s the strategy? Who has his ear? Who’s really behind all this? What does that person have as a goal? And who is Kaiser Sozi?

Before we get to the unmade bed that is Steve Bannon, let’s review some of the other “usual suspects.”

If we strictly follow the movie, either of the two mopes, Reince Priebus or Sean Spicer is the logical Kaiser Sozi. Outwardly sort of benign and clueless, it’s clear they’re both scared to death of Trump’s fury (or is it vice versa)? Could it be Spicer is really the protagonist disguising himself as a buffoon? I mean this man clearly has no inside information — or does he? Is he really the puppet-master and not the puppet? As for Reince Priebus, is he still alive?

Jared Kushner, the son Trump never had, is a prime Kaiser Sozi suspect. I don’t think I’ve ever heard or read anything he’s said or written, which provides a good cover, but he’s always there. When he’s finished bringing peace to Israel, I imagine he can score that presidential pardon for his father.

Stephen Miller, the young punk behind the original travel ban on Muslim countries, when speaking of the president and the judiciary, said, “I think that it’s been an important reminder to all Americans … that the powers of the president to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned.” Nah, Miller is too obvious to be Kaiser Sozi.

As for Donald Jr. and Eric, have they been allowed back on the continent yet? Of course they have access to microwaves.

Oh, you’ve probably noticed that I left out Kellyanne Conway. I really hate to be hard on someone who is on the verge of being hospitalized for “exhaustion,” a synonym for being bat—- crazy.

So we come to the likely Kaiser Sozi, Steve Bannon, the follower, literally, of the madman Andrew Breitbart, who once proposed a documentary labeling the New York Times, the Washington Post, NPR, the ACLU and other “usual suspects” as being on a mission to establish an Islamic republic in the United States. Bannon even managed to get himself placed on the National Security Council, so he knows our every military move. And can tell Trump afterward — unless he tells Trump before the meetings. Of course, if you’ve read this far, you probably agree that Bannon, who has complete access to Trump, is the likely Kaiser Sozi.

But hold on. Men don’t realize it yet, but politics is all about women now. If I were going to pick a Kaiser Sozi, it would be Ivanka Trump Kushner. She has her father’s ear, she moved to Washington to keep an eye on him (as well as her husband, the suit with the movie star looks who Trump thinks is the Messiah) and she makes sure she’s in every important meeting. Her motive? Well, there’s revenge for his inappropriate attentions to her in public, particularly when she was a girl, for bringing his new girlfriend on a ski trip when his then-wife Ivana (her mother) was waiting for him — and then laughing about it. 

But mostly I think it’s her desire to learn the ropes, land on her feet after the impeachment, and eventually take her place in the Oval Office. 

Look, no one said she didn’t inherit his grandiosity. 

I think the correct title is Kaiserlin Sozi.