Hillary’s got a tough opponent who will say anything, reverse himself, attack again and then deny he ever said it. Even though I know she won’t do it, I’d love to see her start saying exactly what she’s thinking.
Here’s how I think she should respond to all those questions from the media:
Do you regret saying “basket of deplorables”?
Yes, I should have said “cauldron of inflammables.”
Seriously?
Seriously. The Constitution and the three branches of government are too hard for a lot of people to grasp, so they get frustrated. They want simple answers, and there are none. For instance, most of what the Meg-Nar — that’s short for megalomaniacal narcissist — and I are promising to voters must be passed by the House and the Senate, but neither of us is talking about that. People are naive and that alone makes them angry. Meg-Nar, by the way, should be wearing a cape and a top hat. I mean, he is a circus act.
Do you really think Donald Trump would use nuclear weapons?
He might do it to impress Putin, but I hope the generals would defy him. By the way, I plan to fire those generals who came out in support of Trump.
What do you think about people who criticize your hair and your clothes?
That’s rich. I’d like to see someone throw a match at that mess on his head to see what would happen when the hairspray caught fire. I love that he left bobby pins in his hair. Maybe I’ll appear with rollers in my hair. As for my clothes, we both have middle-aged spread, but at least I change my outfits.
Do you think Donald Trump is a misogynist?
You’re kidding, right?
What would you do about the war in Syria?
My dream would be to have our spies figure out a way to assassinate Assad and Putin on the same day. I’d also love to take over Trump Tower and Mar-a-Lago to house refugees.
What do you think about Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson and Green candidate Jill Stein?
Can’t Gary Johnson count? Does he really want to throw the election to the Meg-Nar? Plus he looks like a deer caught in the headlights. As for Jill Stein, she has good hair.
What will be your husband’s role in the White House?
I don’t know. He may not like it when he walks into my office and finds Huma Abedin and I smoking cigars, drinking vodka martinis and laughing about revenge served cold.
