Five years ago when I started Aging Disgracefully — the lifestyle and the column — I bragged about getting rid of my car because I live close to the Green Line, renting Zipcars, and walking almost everywhere in town. Time passed and I found I couldn’t really “walk everywhere.” Also, after driving more than 50 years with only three moving violations, I totaled a brand new Zipcar, and I was quickly informed by them that I could no longer be what they call a “Zipster.” Sigh.
Take the township bus but hold on tight
The best and most reliable local ride service is the township senior bus. You can get a door-to-door ride anywhere in Oak Park or River Forest townships for $1 each way. The drivers are great, but the buses are a problem. If you’re in a wheelchair, you’re securely fastened to the floor. In the rest of the seats, the seat belts either don’t work or are impossible to figure out. The buses seem to have no shock absorbers and you often feel like you’re in a fogey version of Mad Max Fury Road. Also, the buses don’t go to Loyola or Gottlieb hospitals because they’re outside the townships, but Gottlieb has the warm-water pool classes for arthritis … oh, here I go again.
Bring your lunch if you ride RTA Paratransit
I frankly prefer riding the Green Line, but I tend to be exhausted going to and from the Loop, especially if I do any walking. So I qualify for the RTA Paratransit, which has buses and vans. The people at the RTA Paratransit are nice; the service is very slow; the buses are worse than the township’s. They take orders seven days a week and give you an estimated time of arrival at your destination.
My most frequent destination is the Loyola Outpatient Center. Typically, if I order the service for the morning, the bus will make a few other pick-ups. Getting a return ride can remind you of the old Kingston Trio song about the guy who “never returned, and his fate is still unlearned” from riding the Boston MTA. Once on a return trip from Loyola, the bus made two pick-ups at the North Riverside Mall, then made a drop in Cicero, one in Berwyn, and finally dropped me in Oak Park. Some people I know have gone to La Grange first. All the time I’m hanging on so I won’t fall out of the seat, even with the belt on.
The zaniest experience I had was on a Sunday when I decided to go to an art show at Navy Pier. The van had four other people to drop off at three different churches in the city. There was no way I’d arrive at the requested time, but that was OK with me.
By the time we dropped off the other passengers, I was coughing and puffing on my inhaler because one of the women wore strong perfume and the van was pretty dusty, so I said I would skip the art show. The driver offered to take me home, but I said she could drop me at a Green Line station. She called her dispatcher, who said the only option was to let me out at the curb — somewhere on Pulaski — or call an ambulance.
She took me to Ashland. I huffed up the three flights of stairs and got on the train, exhausted. Then I noticed it was turning south. I was on the Pink Line! So I got off at Polk and made my way back to Ashland — more stairs — and eventually made it home.
These are not your London taxis
I gave up on Blue Cab several years ago. Dirty cabs, surly drivers — I just got tired of coming home from a doctor’s office after asthma treatment and getting into a dirty cab where someone had been smoking and the driver denied it. I switched to Red Cab, which is better, but it’s been bought out by a Chicago company, so you risk getting a driver who doesn’t know his way around. I have a favorite Red Cab driver who is great and always “goes the extra mile.” If you get a good driver, get a cellphone number for next time.
Now comes Uber
Uber is fast, but I approach it like I’m touching the burner on a stove to see if it’s still hot. One false move on my phone and I will have ordered a limousine — well, not actually a limousine, but I’ve ordered an upgraded car twice and paid handsomely. One of them, a black Cadillac, wasn’t even particularly clean. Uber allows you to enter your home address on their website and then just press Home thereafter as either your starting place or destination. You can do the same for Work.
Sadly, since my most frequent destination is Loyola Outpatient Center, I call that Home. The problem is that all Loyola buildings share the same address, 2601 S. First Ave. So the drivers call me when they arrive, but typically they’re at the emergency room or the hospital, etc., and can’t find me. I’ve even had two drivers who could not pronounce “outpatient.” Naturally, I raise my voice — a ridiculous way to make people understand you. It’s exhausting.
I’ve had some wonderful Uber drivers and I love the fact that you don’t have to tip — it all goes on your credit card. I’ve also had a driver who spoke little English and was in danger of being sideswiped by buses on Michigan Avenue that kept honking at him. I would yelp and he would turn around to face me and apologize profusely, while still driving. Finally he turned right in front of a bus and headed north when we should have gone south. I jumped out and summoned another Uber driver who was fantastic. Dirty car, but Michigan Avenue to Oak Park in 15 minutes.
