What’s one of the best things a parent can do to lessen her worries about her child? Hang out with a group of parents at a parenting workshop. Why? Because workshops shatter a myth that so many parents suffer from:
No one else is struggling with problems in their family.
In other words, no one else has a teen who is as unappreciative or disrespectful as mine or a child who doesn’t care about school or a daughter who is struggling with friendships. And no other parent feels as overwhelmed, stressed, angry or guilty as I do. No one!
I see it every time I facilitate a workshop. There is that magical moment when one brave soul reveals feeling scared or stuck in her parenting. Other parents lean in, nodding their heads in understanding, raising their hands to provide their input. Soon everyone realizes they aren’t alone and moods start to lighten up!
Telling the truth and being heard is transformative.
It’s freeing to share what’s going on in your home. It lifts a burden off your shoulders and breaks down barriers, giving others permission to open up. Relief, hope and validation quickly spread as everyone realizes that being at the end of their parental rope is a universal experience. But how can we make this temporary awareness last?
By dropping the need to compare our privates lives with the public lives of others.
I remember many times (in spite of my best efforts) when my child was surly or my kids were squabbling or my husband and I weren’t on the same page. In those moments, I’d just happen to catch that happy family across the street, joking and laughing as they packed their car for a two-week, cross-country trek together. I’d start thinking, “Why can’t we get along like that family? What am I doing wrong as a parent? Why doesn’t my child behave like so-and-so? Really, two weeks? How will those parents survive?”
The truth is that parenting is messy; we make mistakes; kids act like kids; and no one has it all figured out.
Behind every family’s public persona is a private side that looks just as grainy and gritty as the family’s down the street. It’s called life. So next time you start comparing your private life to that perfect family at the grocery store, in the park, or out to eat — STOP!
Put your concerns into perspective; tell the truth to someone; acknowledge your efforts; and gather all the evidence that supports how well you are doing in your perfectly real private life.
