As I try to figure out what to do New Year’s Eve ( Is going to bed at 9PM an option?) I’m feeling good about the new year if for no other reason than I probably won’t have to follow certain stories that seemed so very important in 2011, but weren’t. So today I come not to praise, but to bury these 10 stories in no particular order.
1) No more Ego-palooza for Oprah. After the longest curtain call in TV history, she has finally left the daytime TV building. Thank God. Yes, I know she has her own network now, but it’s buried between the Hi-Def Animal Planet and Polish TV.
2) The Blue Line will not be shut down in Oak Park. An idea dumber than invading Iraq appears to have died stillborn.
3) I’m also pretty sure capping the Ike is not going to happen — then again, I never thought there could be fat-free Half and Half.
4) At least for a while no referenda are likely. So we won’t have to listen to end-of-the-world rhetoric from both sides of the campaign.
5) TIF litigation is settled. Good. Seldom have so few spent so much money on a dispute so murky and so confusing. Talk about your enigma wrapped in a riddle.
6) No more Rod Blowdryavitch. Other than a story on him entering prison and the affirmation of his conviction, I believe we’re done with him. I will miss his hair.
7) Intergys Energy Services. I believe that this company is my new energy supplier come the first of the year, and my electric bill will go down for a couple of years. I never have figured out what I signed up for. I hope it works out.
8) With the revised Sertus plan, no more stories on an Oak Park hotel. The only thing less likely is an underground Target.
9) Tom Barwin’s home. Mr. Barwin has left the Barrie Park-area home he was renting from the village. I presume he found another home. If not, I’m worried I might have to hand out a homeless services card to him if I cross his path on Lake Street. Could be awkward.
10) No more Herman Cain. His brilliant satire of an uninformed, philandering political candidate was the best since Mayor Quimby on the Simpsons. It makes me sad.
So we say good-bye — and good riddance — to stories that at one time seemed so important to some of us, and now slip into the deep sea of vague and forgotten memory. But do not despair. For in our diverse and engaged village, new tempests are always brewing in new teapots. Primary elections in the spring. I can hardly wait.
Happy New Year!