Please do not pave our alley. We like our alley as it is. In fact, we love our alley. Since the recent publicity in Wednesday Journal exposed our alley – between the 1000 blocks of South Grove and Kenilworth – as the worst alley in Oak Park, our well-kept secret tourist attraction has become public. [When alleys go bad, news, May 27] In response, we have decided to expand our offerings.

Our basic tour, for a nominal fee, is popular with other Oak Parkers. It allows them to see how far their tax dollars go with the optional opportunity to log in their responses. Tours are open to nonresidents for a higher fee.

Recent rains revealed the fact that our alley has more lakes than the State of Minnesota. We have stocked these little lakes and are now offering half- and full-day passes to anglers, also for a nominal fee.

On dry days, we run our dirt bike obstacle course. Helmets required. This is offered as a punch-card event with one-way traffic. Enter from the south at the sign “Worst Alley in Oak Park – Enter at your own risk.”

Sorry, we had to discontinue the joggers’ obstacle course and the mid-summer midnight flashlight walk, due to the high incident of sprained ankles.

However, the third-world tour is more popular than ever. It is geared to two types of tourists – those who cannot afford a trip to see the conditions in poverty-stricken nations, and those who have and are nostalgic for the broken pavement, deep holes, and loose rocks one finds in places where the government neglects or refuses to take care of the needs of the people. Please book in advance. This tour fills fast.

Our hope is that the coming winter will ravish our alley even further, rendering it an even more attractive tourist attraction. Frank and Ernie, watch out!

Elaine Johnson is a 25-year Oak Park resident and a retired District 83 school librarian.

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