Hi there, new neighbor! Let me introduce myself: My name is Mark, and my wife and I have lived in Oak Park for 37 years, where we raised our family. Let me tell you a few things about our village:
First, I hope for your sake that you are politically left-leaning. Oak Parkers take pride in their progressiveness, and many are eager to let you know it by displaying lawn signs and flags announcing their virtuous beliefs. Our elected village board places diversity, equity, and inclusion above all other considerations when making decisions. In fact, Oak Park is now a sanctuary city for transgender people, in case you were concerned about this issue. And the village recently blocked some of the entrances to the village hall parking lot, so as to impede ICE incursions (now ICE agents wanting to visit village hall for any reason will have to park their vehicles on Lombard Street). And years ago, Oak Park declared itself to be a nuclear-free zone, in case you were worried about that.
Of course we have a public library, although it has changed to reflect the cultural and societal needs of the community. Back in the old days the library was a place where you would go to check out books, study, or do research. Now it is primarily a gathering place for political activists and a day care facility for homeless people. I’ve noticed that there are still some books there — a carefully chosen selection of them are displayed in the lobby to inform you of the socially relevant literature the library staff thinks you should be reading.
I see that you have young children. Before you moved to Oak Park, you undoubtedly researched the quality of our public schools. They are pretty good. In fact, when your kids reach high school, they are guaranteed to be enrolled in honors classes, because at OPRF High School, there is an “honors for all” policy for freshmen. We’re proud that OPRF is ranked by the Illinois Report Card in the second-highest category (“commendable”) among the state’s high schools. OPRF used to be in the top category (“exemplary”) but “commendable” is still pretty good, I guess.
Police protection? Well, we do have a police department, but not everyone in Oak Park is keen on having a police presence. A few years ago, nearly one third of voting Oak Parkers voted to defund the police in a non-binding ballot referendum. We have a sort of compromise whereby the police are housed in a cramped, outdated facility in the basement of village hall, and the force itself is understaffed. So I guess we tolerate our police, but don’t want too many of them around, or for them to be too comfortable.
By the way, I see that you have a gas-powered leaf blower in your garage. Well, you can’t use it here because the village has banned their use due to the huge volumes of greenhouse gases they produce. I have an extra leaf rake in case you need one.
Of course all of these wonderful things come at a price. Our property taxes are among the highest in the area, so you may want to put off buying furniture and accessories for your new home and instead put that money aside for when property tax time comes around.
Well neighbor, that’s my two cents’ worth on what to expect living in Oak Park. Maybe I’ll see you Saturday at the Farmers Market. Bring your dog and be sure to tie a kerchief around their neck!