It’s a nutty world. It’s also a nutty sports world. Forget about the crazy reality that folks with less than average annual salaries pay exorbitant amounts of money to watch multi-millionaires compete against one another. That’s nothing, nowhere near as wacky as some of the other sports or sports-related idiocies going on around the world.
Don’t believe me?
One of the most popular sports in Afghanistan is a game called Bozkushi, which we here in Somewhat-Saneville call “goat killing,” its literal translation. The objective is to toss a dead calf across a goal line while riding horseback. As absurd as it sounds, Afghanis take this game very seriously, even going as far as to train their horses to stop immediately if a rider is thrown from his mount.
Not too crazy for your standards? What if I told you the game can last as long as a week and the horsemen wear quilted dresses?
Anyone for starting up a Bozkushi league in Oak Park? Anyone?
That doesn’t get your goat? How about Naked Sundays at the gym?
Earlier this month, the Associated Press reported that a gym in Heteren, Netherlands welcomed exercising in the nude. Imagine that, you’re in the buff to get buff. Well, the article stated that the smattering of only men (of course) who participated in the exhibition took to the workout machines and free weights with boldness.
I’m not sure what’s more disturbing: Seeing a man in a dress on horseback tossing a dead goat around, or seeing a naked man doing power squats. If you consider the fact that you could be the next guy on the stationary bike, that dead goat hurling thing doesn’t seem so appalling.
Before you shed your clothes and jump on the ol’ treadmill, which will no doubt give your reproductive organs a mosh pit experience-I’m sure jumping jacks are out of the question!-there’s more odd things involved with sports I need to tell you about.
Just last weekend the WrestleMania Fan Axxess Tour rolled through town. The event featured something called the Axxess Power Challenge, where participants were able to test their strength against a mechanical arm wrestling machine. First mechanical bulls, now arms?
The machines are taking over-run for your lives!
But smell good doing it with the new men’s fragrance “Driven,” a creation of New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, who partnered with Avon to develop a scent that reflects “the unique personality of one of the most driven men in America,” according to a press release from the company.
You want to know some of the ingredients of this concoction? Chilled grapefruit, oakmoss, and spice. But no dead goat or pubic sweat, thankfully.
If you’re not fully disgusted with the aforementioned sports and/or sports-related activities, or this column in general, I have but two words for you:
Naked Bozkushi.
Contact: bspencer@wjinc.com
