Sox fans, where’s the frustration, the angst? Aren’t you at all a bit agitated that your beloved defending World Series champs didn’t even make the playoffs this season? Why aren’t you sucking down pints of bitters? Where’s the sulk? I want to see the sulk.
Nothing. You just creep quietly away, blending back into the woodwork, feigning ignorance. You shrug your shoulders, contort your face, and ask, “Are you referring to the Red Sox, the White Sox, or my charcoal grey tube socks?”
You’re practically insisting the ’05 Sox become the ’85 Bears, a team with so much talent wasted on one measly blowout of a Super Bowl game. You’re going to stand for this?
Oh, I see, you figure you waited long enough for this one, so what’s the big rush, right?
Well, let me tell you something, you better start demanding more of your team. If you don’t, you’ll insert yourself right back into the definition of a fair-weather fan. The Sox drew nearly 3 million to U.S. Cellular Field this season, and now they’re laughing in the executive suites.
Trust me, I know. Cubs fans know. First you’ll start going to games every year as the team gets worse and worse, then you’ll go just for the ambiance. Then you’ll only go because Jennifer Aniston is singing the seventh inning stretch. You’ll have no shame.
You need to pick up a phone, a pen, or an Internet service. Call or write to or e-mail the Chicago daily newspapers and the Sox organization. Let them know you’re not going to stand for a one-hit wonder. Start creating a fire Ozzie Guillen website, or a trade Scott Podsednik flyer. I mean come on, your team struck out more times this season-over 1,000-than a technician for Geek Squad. You need to do this.
It works, sort of.
Such an effort by Cubs fans has helped send three managers packing in the last seven years-unfortunately, we can’t take any credit for Team President Andy MacPhail’s resignation over the weekend. While we have yet to see the returns on our efforts, we’re confident it will eventually pay off, perhaps when civilization is nothing more than a family of orangutans on Zanzibar. We’re incorrigible!
Even if no one acts on your efforts, it still brings a sense of urgency to the person you’re demanding be pink-slipped. Look at how Baker steered the Cubs into the worse record in the National League. You can’t buy better publicity!
Come to think of it, the more I write this column I’m beginning to understand your ways, Sox fans. You have your World Series championship. You’re happy, content, and fine with life. Let Guillen talk himself silly, you say, for it’s all good. More titles would only bring a sense of repetition, which ultimately leads to boredom.
Maybe one day us angst-ridden Cubs fans will stop sulking, stop attending games for the mere appreciation of the Friendly Confines, and stop living in the “there’s always next year” dream world.
Oh, who am I kidding, it’ll never happen.
Contact: bspencer@wjinc.com