I waited too long. It’s Monday, late afternoon, and I should have had a column topic idea at least in the works back on Friday morning. The sports deadline is a mere hour away.
Mother’s Day snuck up on me as well, had to scramble. But I’m scrambling now for an idea to slap on this page and there’s nothing concrete bursting forward. I apologize for having no official topic for this column this week. I’m just going to write the first thing that comes to mind starting right now:
Lousy Cubs. Useless Sox. What? It’s going to rain again? My elbow hurts — probably not as bad as Boston’s Rajon Rondo’s. That was grotesque the way his arm buckled during Saturday’s game against the Heat, dislocating his left elbow. It was even more disgusting when he scored six points in the fourth quarter. Miami’s defense is so bad they can’t even guard a one-armed man. Hey, that’s good. I should use that somewhere in my column. Ryan somebody broke his arm in football practice freshman year. I feel queasy.
Bulls. C’mon Bulls, don’t let us down, Bulls. Don’t be the Lakers, Bulls. Just a little bit more offensive production from someone other than Derrick Rose. I don’t want to lose you, Bulls. The Cubs are excruciating to watch.
Phil Jackson, 11 championship rings. That’s a lot of bling for a hippie Zen master. He doesn’t need any more. Take the rest of this season off, Phil.
Focus, Spence. Concentrate on something sports relevant and just start typing. Eww, I have a lot of wax in this left ear. Former Mets and Phillies outfielder, gob of chewing tobacco always wedged in the side of his mouth, spit stains on his jersey … what was his name? He was recently charged with embezzling from his own bankruptcy estate or something like that. I’m not Googling it … Nails! Lenny! Lenny Dykstra. I shall celebrate with a Cherry Coke.
Manny Ramirez, there’s one of the brightest guys in the world. Guy gets suspended 50 games for using performance-enhancing drugs, then gets caught again and immediately retires. Boston Red Sox pitcher Bobby Jenks said it best. “I look at it as this: You do it, you get caught, you’re an idiot. If you do it again, you’re a dumbass.”
The local ballclubs are streaking. OPRF baseball, Trinity softball both had eight-game win streaks going at the start of this week. Fenwick was riding a six-game win streak. If only the weather had been better earlier this spring.
Is summer over?
What makes a T-ball game interesting to watch? Smiles. What makes a T-ball game boring to watch? Disinterest.
A colleague just gave me a Tyler Colvin bobblehead. It came with a separate bat. We decided to attach the bat whenever Colvin plays. I put the bat in my desk drawer.
Why are things the official something of sports teams? Galaxie Remodeling is the official remodeler of the Cubs, the White Sox and the Blackhawks. The Kia Optima is the official car of the NBA. Scotts is the official lawn care company of Major League Baseball. I wish I had a funny antidote to insert here. But, as I stated, there is no official topic for this column this week.
Contact: bspencer@oakpark.com
Have a column topic idea? Send it to Brad so you don’t have to waste two minutes reading such drivel ever again.
