It’s holiday time which means time for de-stressing!
We’ve all experienced strain and tension, but why can’t there just be one simple approach to stress-free living, regardless of the time of year?
There is: Drop the need to be right.
Recently, I participated in a 30-day challenge to let go of my need-to-be-right thinking. All kinds of benefits were promised, including those holiday miracles: peace on earth and goodwill toward all men and family members. I was skeptical, but in the spirit of proving someone wrong, I jumped in.
The challenge was simple, the execution much harder.
Rules:
Identify those areas (people and places) where you need to be right. Consider both your personal and professional life.
Let go of your need to be right (See Helpful Tips below)
Reflect daily on your thoughts, feelings and actions. Specifically, what fear are you trying to avoid by being right? Looking stupid, feeling inferior, being obsequious?
Helpful Tips:
Tip #1: If someone is spouting off an opinion that you think is hogwash or know is factually wrong, agree anyway. Simply say, “It sounds like you’re right!”
Tip #2: If you need to express your opinion after you agree, use the word “and” instead of “but.” For instance, “I agree and I think blah, blah, blah …” The word “but” takes the agreement away.
I decided to go for broke, focusing on 30 days of agreement with my husband, my mom and my adult kids. Before I would engage in any conversation, I’d remind myself I wasn’t going to be right. I was going to agree — with everything.
Talk about foreign territory!
I kept uttering those magical words: “Honey, you’re absolutely right!” or “Mom, thanks for pointing that out. I agree!” or for those harder times, I’d nod. I turned it into a game.
And then I started to notice something: I didn’t need to be right. Strangely, I was happier not being right.
Agreement opened me up. Life was easier. I felt kinder, more engaged, relaxed. I could hear other opinions, even daring to implement an idea or two. I spent less time trying to get my husband to see things or do things my way. I listened to my mother’s suggestions. Anger, defensiveness and grudge-holding, my old friends, had taken a backseat. I had more mental and physical energy because I wasn’t stressing myself out with my need-to-be-right!
Don’t take my word for it. Venture into unfamiliar territory. Give the challenge a whirl. Who knows? You just might receive an unexpected gift this holiday season — a year-round, stress-free, miraculous life.
Melissa Ford is a personal/business coach in Oak Park. Email: melissa@empoweredcoachingsolutions.com.
