If only the Bears had a Tebow

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By Brad Spencer

Sports Editor

This just came across the news wire: Tim Tebow is the Higgs boson.

Yep, it seems the Broncos quarterback played a vital role in the creation of the universe after the Big Bang. He's the missing "God particle." It has been confirmed.

Well, it doesn't come as a surprise after the Supreme One single-handedly defeated the Bears on Sunday afternoon. He stripped the ball from Marion Barber's hands and also pushed him out of bounds when Barber should have been focused on running out the clock. He kicked a 59-yard field goal to win the game. He did all of this mid-prayer.

Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Placebo. Tebow.

Pull up any ESPN media outlet, whether it be television, radio or grab a print publication and you'd swear it was E-S-TEBOW-N because the guy is everywhere. Monday evening before the St. Louis vs. Seattle snorefest on ESPN it was all Tebow. This morning I popped the ESPN Radio app on my phone and Waddle and Silvy were arguing Tebow's place in this world. Tebow himself didn't create this craze; he created life and Chris Berman.

Tebow is 7-1 since taking over the starting QB job for the Broncos, but the wins came from some rag-tag teams such as the Chiefs, Vikings and Dolphins. The head coaches for the Chiefs and the Dolphins have since been canned. And lest I remind you, the Bears entered Sunday's game without their starting quarterback and running back. Still, the halo burns bright around Tebow's head because he's different from the rest of us. He thanks Christ his savior, while we're cursing Hanie our ineffective backup quarterback. He brings antigravity to Mile High Stadium — though he forgot to reverse it back when Robbie Gould kicked his 57-yarder on Sunday.

To be honest we don't know much about Tebow and we're not about to get swept up in the Tebow craze. It's likely to get derailed this weekend anyway by Tom Brady and the Patriots. This is what we do know about Tebow:

  • His quarterbacking style is unconventional for the NFL, better suited for college, where he also thrived.
  • I've seen this before with Kurt Warner, and Warner went on to win Super Bowls.
  • He may be winning because he's never experienced sex. Okay, there's no scientific study to prove that's why Tebow is leading the Broncos to victory, but he has claimed in interviews that he is abstaining from sex until he is married. That must be quite a challenge for the 24-year-old. Go ahead and Google Tebow's past girlfriends and prepare to slap the money down on Seinfeld's kitchen table. You'll be out before Kramer.

I have a confession, I'm not sure what the Higgs boson is — hopefully, it's a QB on waivers — but I'm tired of seeing and hearing about Tebow. God bless him for his stalwart religious beliefs, and Godspeed to the Bears and their playoff chances. A prayer is certainly in order for the latter.

bspencer@oakpark.com

Twitter: @oakparksports 

Reader Comments

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Brad Spencer, sports editor of Wednesday Journal  

Posted: December 16th, 2011 11:17 AM

BS--your initials too by the way, I am tolerant and broadminded. Have no problem with Tebow's religious beliefs. Have a problem with the over-the-top attention Tebow is receiving. It's inflated. Oh, and would you want your son to be an obsessive-compulsive comment poster who degrades someone's profession, or ... ?

Jim Coughlin  

Posted: December 16th, 2011 11:12 AM

Brian, you have to wonder how fans would respond if Tim Tebow gave praise to Mohammed after scoring a touchdown. I read today that Sam Hurd was fond of seranading Chicago Bear teammates by singing his favorite gospel songs.

Brian Slowiak from Oak Park  

Posted: December 16th, 2011 10:41 AM

I am not born again or Christian.I do admire TT. TT helps his family support an orphanage his family operates.Contrast to Sam Hurd,TT is certainly different. TT allows BS a chance at a living as a reporter.TT challenges us to think,something the writing ofBS doesnt do.If you had a son,would you want him to be like TT,a pro QB, or BS writing about that great OP/DownersGrove game. I do not understand why his religion or QB style bothers you.Intolerance?Narrowness?

Mares  

Posted: December 13th, 2011 9:48 PM

Define sex. Bill Clinton never had "sexual relations" with Monica Lewinsky but still managed to "unload". Where there's a will, there's a way.

Jim Coughlin  

Posted: December 13th, 2011 8:51 PM

ESPN has also demonstrated that same single focus regarding Brett Favre's retirements and Tiger Woods' comebacks.

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