How to cope with catastrophe

Opinion: Columns

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By John Hubbuch

Like most Oak Parkers I am hoping for an Obama victory in two weeks. But even the most ardent and optimistic of us must fear the possibility of a defeat. With that in mind, I have been compiling a list of defense mechanisms that may help us get through the calamity of a Romney victory and presidency. Defense mechanisms are excuses, rationalizations and coping strategies. They need not be based in fact. You need only believe them.

Racism. Obama lost because he got very little of the racist vote, which is a significant portion of eligible voters. The poll of self-identified racists shows Obama with less than 1 percent of the vote. Although data is sketchy, "silent racists," a much larger demographic, are not strong in their Obama support.

The Republicans Cheated. Without big PAC money and voter disenfranchisement, Obama would have won. Previously used by Nixon supporters in 1960 and Gore supporters in 2000. Also used to effect by parents and players on youth sports teams.

Too Many Stupid Voters Ruin A Democracy. A significant number of Americans would repeal one or more of the Bill of Rights; believe Obama is a Muslim born in Africa; and think global warming is a liberal fiction. If only the nation was as intelligent as Oak Park voters, the best candidate would have won.

Maybe A Romney Presidency Won't Be So Bad. If you're old, white, male, affluent and healthy, you might even be better off with Romney in the White House. And if you're poor, young, female or sick, you're used to getting screwed. Romney won't be that much worse.

Anticipatory Schadenfreude. The Republicans, flush with victory, will almost certainly over-reach, thereby sowing the seeds of their destruction. The Democrats, using the Republican playbook, will do everything in their power to make sure Romney is not re-elected and blame Romney for everything. Oh, sweet irony.

We Are All Just Dust In The Wind. Seven billion inhabitants living on a cosmic speck. Life will go on for another billion years or it will end during the Romney reign. Either way, there's nothing you can do about it. Or you can go the opposite: Today We Begin The Campaign To Take Back The White House. Fired up and ready to go!

Do Something Useful. Be done with politics. Instead of watching MSNBC and yelling at the TV set and dodging Obama telefundraisers, call your mom, have dinner with a friend, go for a walk, rewatch The Wire, volunteer, take Redd Griffin's philosophy class at Triton — pretty much anything would be better than watching talking heads pander to their audience's political preferences.

Hopefully, Obama will win and you can toss this column. But just in case, set it next to the empty liquor bottle. Come Wednesday morning, Nov. 7, it might be helpful.

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Reader Comments

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Posted: October 29th, 2012 12:22 PM

Pinocchio Is A Liberal Democrat

Ray Simpson from Oak Park  

Posted: October 29th, 2012 11:59 AM

@Bob I was the one who was accused of being a racist. My original reply was just a question about how our community will respond if Romney gets elected and is successful at getting the job done.

Bob W. from Oak Park  

Posted: October 29th, 2012 11:47 AM

Nice work John. This is a funny piece. Me thinks this Ray Simpson dude needs to lighten up just a wee bit.

8 Days Until The National Nightmare Is Over  

Posted: October 29th, 2012 11:15 AM

Tick Tock .......

Ray Simpson from Oak Park  

Posted: October 29th, 2012 9:34 AM

@Jackie - because half of our nation disagrees with President Obama , do you tar all of us with your racist charges? Defending the "My administration, administration" needs some factual accomplishments to warrant re election. We see unemployment around 8%. We see GDP growth 1/2 of what it should be, We see family income down $5200. We see recent College graduates moving back in with Mom and Dad. All of these relate to competence - not race. Blame Bush isn't a relevant argument anymore. This is Obama's economy and he will have to live with it.


Posted: October 29th, 2012 8:50 AM

Ray--you could provide expert advice on how a racist should feel. You are a pox on the house of Simpson.

Ray Simpson from Oak Park  

Posted: October 27th, 2012 7:51 PM

And what will you say if things turn around and our nation is filled with pride and ambition? What will you write here if unemployment goes down to under 5%? And what will you write if D's and R's join forces to do the countries work? Will you be big enough to admit that the Obama experiment was a failure of monumental proportion? Will you make that determination without feeling like a racist? I will save that column - for sure!

Bruce Samuels from Oak Park  

Posted: October 27th, 2012 2:57 PM

How to cope with catastrophe? I say how to prevent a catastrophe! The two corporate controlled parties will lead us to disaster. Vote for Jill Stein and get us out of the world-policing business and into the job creating business with the Green New Deal (see jillstein.og).

David Keene from Denver  

Posted: October 26th, 2012 11:37 AM

On the other hand, the next time one of our consulates is attacked, somebody might actually try to save the ambassador and friends.

Done from Oak Park  

Posted: October 24th, 2012 9:16 AM

"After all, the majority of us walk in lockstep with Mike (the most evil man in the world not named David Axelrod) Madigan." And there is our first problem. And he'll continue to be re-elected, as will Jesse Jr., and Derrick Smith. Then they'll resign and Madigan will handpick a replacement, probably Mrs. Jackson in Jesse Jr.'s case, and the cycle will continue all over again. Vote them out!

Jax Teller from Oak Park   

Posted: October 24th, 2012 8:23 AM

Mr Hubbuch, the sad part is that OPers & liberals do believe your points to be true, as idiotic as they all are. Don't flatter yourself, Oak Parkers are not as intelligent as you want to believe. After all, the majority of us walk in lockstep with Mike (the most evil man in the world not named David Axelrod) Madigan.

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