But as we so often say in today's culture, "It is what it is," so I hope you can forgive this slight aberration and join me in the discovery — or rediscovery — of the extraordinarily popular food phenomenon known throughout the world as Spam.

The holiday shopping season has officially begun, the person on your shopping list is crazy about cooking, and you'd like to get that person a practical gift that they might actually use. Allow me, devoted reader, to lift the burden of your decision-making.

Now Affy Tapples are great for the kids, but I prefer a more grown-up approach, if you will; one that's a bit friendlier to your teeth and certainly friendlier to someone with a moustache like mine. I make my own caramel sauce, and instead of skewering the apple on a stick and dipping it in caramel, it's far more enjoyable to simply cut the apple into wedges and dip them one by one as you go.

What could we eat today? Hypothetically … we could have bacon and eggs for breakfast, soup and a sandwich for lunch, and a steak and baked potato for dinner. For dessert there's cake and ice cream, and before we go to bed, we could have a soothing glass of warm milk and cookies.