If I Were Campaigning For President

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter

By John Hubbuch

The  long current campaign seems like one of the longest running cartoons in history. Many of us will be working ourselves into a frenzy prior to the November 6 Judgment Day.                                                         

If I were running for President ,I would never get elected, but I would tell the truth even if America couldn't handle it. My closing speech Election Eve would go something like this.                 

Ladies and Gentlemen: This advertising campaign to sell you a bunch of malarkey is almost over. Every position I have taken was pretty much taken without regard to what is best for the world and the country, and was taken to trick you into voting for me.             

As to domestic policy, we're never getting below 6% unemployment, but ,hey, 92% employed is not bad. Robots, computers and globalization have forever changed the job landscape. Lots of jobs are gone and going, and they ain't coming back. As far as the budget goes, it's not either increasing taxes or cutting expenses-- it's both. Everyone knows that. Also, remember rich guys  always run the show. So the poor and helpless get screwed. I'll do my best to make sure they don't get as screwed as my opponents will screw them.                                                                 

As to foreign policy, we can't impose our  military will on anybody. See Afghanistan and Iraq. OK . I forgot we can impose our will on Granada--our last military  victory. Despite  our jingoistic nationalism , we have to get along with other countries. Especially China. They're our banker. Then there are the problems of loose nukes, global environmental issues, terrorism and scarcities of food and water. These problems can't be solved by us alone. We are a little speck of global dust in the vast universe. Our only hope is cooperation. Think ants.   

In summary I'll try to do my best,  but there's not  that much I can do to change things. The current world is a very complex and complicated place. The President's power is pretty limited.  But I give you my solemn promise to do everything I can to make sure things get worse only slowly. If we get lucky , they might even get a little better.  Thank you.   

Love the Journal?

Become our partner in independent community journalism

Thanks for turning to Wednesday Journal and OakPark.com. We love our thousands of digital-only readers. Now though we're asking you to partner up in paying for our reporters and photographers who report this news. It had to happen, right?

On the plus side, we're giving you a simple way, and a better reason, to join in. We're now a non-profit -- Growing Community Media -- so your donation is tax deductible. And signing up for a monthly donation, or making a one-time donation, is fast and easy.

No threats from us. The news will be here. No paywalls or article countdowns. We're counting on an exquisite mix of civic enlightenment and mild shaming. Sort of like public radio.

Claim your bragging rights. Become a digital member.

Donate Now

Reader Comments

1 Comment - Add Your Comment

Note: This page requires you to login with Facebook to comment.

Comment Policy

People First  

Posted: October 17th, 2012 5:19 PM

Campaigning for president involves a ridiculous amount of time. After this election, speculation will begin almost immediately on who are the frontrunners. Cut the entire process down to a few months. Money changes everything and it sure has thanks to a dumb ruling by the supremes. Illinois not a swing state so we're not get bombarded with "I approve this message" messages. Ads aren't even screened for accuracy. Ban political ads on TV and provide free access to candidates. The airways are ours.

Facebook Connect

Answer Book 2019

To view the full print edition of the Wednesday Journal 2019 Answer Book, please click here.

Quick Links

Sign-up to get the latest news updates for Oak Park and River Forest.

MultimediaContact us
Submit Letter To The Editor
Place a Classified Ad