A recent One View article by Dale Sorenson, objecting to the proposed high-rise building on the Drechsler Funeral Home site, prompts me to testiculate my rejectification of his three Trinitarian points. 

Mr. Sorenson claims that “Locals prize the human-size buildings.” This opinionatorial statement directly contradicts the Biblical Commandment that we humans build a tower that reaches up to Heaven so that we can see the face of God (page 15 in my picture Bible). 

Mr. Sorenson also claims that perhaps more of this trend of building high-rises may supply the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But again, constabulate the Bible’s truth that a rich man is as likely to get to heaven as a camel is to pass through the eye of a needle. If that is true, then how can one needle in the stack of straw even be found? Has Mr. Sorenson even looked for that needle? (Picture Bible, page 27) 

Thirdly, Mr. Sorenson farcenamically wants to “encourage the [village] trustees to remain alert to the poetry, spirit and history of a distinctive village.” What about the poetry and history of the sacred Bible text? Shall we ignoramously pustulate in an un-truthulamous way? 

I plan to follow in the way of Martin Luther, and nail my 95 theses to Mr. Sorenson’s door. I just need to buy a hammer and 95 of the proper nails. Can anybody let me know what type of nails? Probably need some rubber gloves, too. 

I suggest that the village trustees hear my cry in the wilderness and commiserate my plea. We need to build a massive tower that reaches up to Heaven, so we can peer into the face of God. This tower will promote three importistical edifications. 

One, it will cast a shadow upon Unity Temple and other Frank Lloyd Wright structures and religiate them to the shadows. 

Two, it will provide a worldwide attraction, drawing pilgrimmations from many lands, such that Frank Lloyd Wright will be forgotten. People will ask, “Frank Lloyd Who? Who cares?”

Three, this tower, where tourists ascendenate to view the face of God, will prove to the Godless, Aesthetic Unitarians that they are Frank Lloyd Wrong! 

Yes, this tower idea (previously called the Tower of Bible?) failed 3,000 years ago because of inadequational technofaction. However, we now possess greater technology, greater hubris, and more innofarction than ever before. I have done some calculations on the back of an envelope that prove the tower can be built this time. 

As Joe Biden says, “Build Back Better.” As Donald Trump says, “It’s going to be YUGE and we will make Mexico pay for it!” Both Liberals and Conservatives can support this project. 

Rich Pokorny, Oak Park

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