It’s been almost a year since I wrote my first column imagining the cast of a movie based on the Trump administration. A lot has changed — all for the worse — so here’s an update with some new characters. I expect I’ll be writing another update or two when the various trials start.
First, I have to say my favorite character has been Dr. Harold Bornstein, who issued a pre-election report that our fleshy President was in excellent health, and later, after letting it slip that Trump took hair-growth meds, had his office raided by Trump’s henchmen. This role, though brief, requires Robert De Niro, gray pageboy hairdo and all.
The two most interesting characters at this point could not be more different: Robert Mueller and Michael Cohen. We’re dying to know how much each man knows. Mueller’s facial bone structure suggests Boris Karloff, who is long dead, but Karloff would have been perfect.
As for Michael Cohen, I worry about his being assassinated. He’s always out and about, getting in and out of cabs, alone. This administration is so white-collar mobbed up, that I think it’s entirely possible. Will the hit man be a Russian or someone hired by a construction outfit? Either way, I like an actor by the name of Bobby Cannavale, who’s terrific and even looks like Cohen.
Another Michael, Michael Avenatti, is the lawyer for Stormy Daniels. He’s polished, he’s sharp, he’s everywhere, he always has something up his sleeve, and he’s carved out an improbably major role in this train wreck. I’m thinking Leonardo DiCaprio could shave his head for the role. As for Stormy Daniels, I’m sure Rudy Giuliani would accept the role, if offered. Other women who received hush money from Trump will undoubtedly be revealed, and it would be fun if Rudy played them all.
Speaking of Giuliani, the superb Nathan Lane, currently playing Trump’s mentor Roy Cohn on Broadway in Angels in America, is perfect for Giuliani. Lane often plays broad comedy, bordering on farce, and I believe that’s what Giuliani is bringing to this debacle.
Farce is the wheelhouse of Trump’s older sons, Donald Jr. and Eric. Mark Wahlberg and Ryan Gosling could tear it up as the two brothers. Guns and buffoonery for days.
The media is already playing a huge part and will continue to do so. (By the way, we seem to be getting plenty of intelligent analysis even without the “gravitas” of Charlie Rose). I’m a huge fan of The Beat with Ari Melber, and, in fact, it is becoming very influential in the coverage. Ari has some of the best regulars, in silken Maya Wiley and the gruff Richard Painter, and assorted rap artists doing political commentary and comedy. I’d cast Halle Berry as Maya Wiley and George Clooney as Richard Painter.
Lest I ignore Fox and its faithful, Steve Carell would be a terrific Sean Hannity, and Tina Fey is a lock for Judge Jeanine Pirro.
I haven’t forgotten Kim Jong Un, but regrettably, I am not familiar enough with Korean actors to suggest one. However, our President has his sights set on the Nobel Peace Prize for meeting with Kim about nuclear disarmament. What would happen if Kim won it instead?