Greetings Earthlings, from your geriatric Martian neighbors!

I imagine by the time you-all read this message your Mother’s Day celebrations down there will be pretty much over with. I hope that all of the Earthside moms were fussed over properly. With a population upwards of 23 billion there better be plenty of fussing, even if it is impossible to make a reservation for brunch.

Not so here on Mars! I think the general consensus was that this was one of the better Mother’s Day parties New Palin has seen in many a moons (Get it? Moons? We have two of ’em you know, hahaha!) The men did all the preparation – including the cooking. Don’t laugh, the meal was a success and no one took sick. We did a five course all-tomato meal, with tomato sorbet for desert. Pretty fancy, eh?

Still, Mother’s Day evokes some complicated feelings up here. You have to remember that all of us old coots signed away our lives – and all our Social Security bennies – for a one way ticket to help get these Mars colonies going. So, yes, while we all have a sense of adventure, the womenfolk miss their kids and grandkids something terrible on days like this. Or most of ’em do….like I say it’s kinda complicated.

So yes, the big party was fun, but there were also some misty eyes here and there. But I gotta hand it to the Admins – just this once – for making the mood very festive when it was all said and done. Just as we all were dipping into the tomato sorbet they announced that the next shuttle due would contain something like a half-dozen extra men than the usual quota! This little bump will help patch up the demographic holes caused by deaths. Well, you can imagine how this made the women folk perk up. Frank said later as we washed up for a minute there it was like the cougar pen at a zoo!  

So how about that – the 2090 crop is looking good for tomatoes and old men alike. I would welcome my new Martian brothers with some simple advice: Remember the Eleventh Commandment.  If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t No One Happy. Women, you see, are the civilizing force in Nature, be it on Earth or here on Mars. I mean, just look at what the Missus has done with yours truly.

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Dave Coulter

I have been a horticulturist for thirty years working in the Chicago area and beyond. I have lived in Oak Park for over thirteen years. My writing has recently appeared in the journal Ecological Restoration...

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