I love my daughter, but she’s so stubborn and never listens to what I say!  My son’s a really kind person, but he lacks the backbone to get ahead in this world.  

I think it’s very common, as a parent, to feel an incredible love for your child and then be frustrated or worried about a perceived “character defect.”  As I like to say, “What’s one person’s character defect is another person’s strength,” . . . or something like that.  The bottom line is that you end up compromising your good feelings and interactions with your children because you believe your judgments are real.  

What can you do?  Here’s a helpful tip someone passed on to me, which I continue to use today:  love ALL of your child by first learning how you judge him or her.  

For example, if you judge your daughter as inflexible, stubborn, and contrary – you might feel irritated, frustrated or angry when you interact with her.  Believing your son lacks initiative and resourcefulness, you can feel scared and worried.  Viewing your children through this negative lens, diminishes your parent-child relationships, your ability to effectively guide your kids and the sheer pleasure you experience being with them.  

Try something new with your loved ones! Put a new spin on their personality traits, i.e, switch up your judgments

Wow!  Your daughter really is a strong, determined girl, who’s committed to her own ideas.  Your son’s kindness is the reason he has strong relationships, which will support him navigating the business world.  Absolutely!  With a positive twist on your perspective, you can feel loving, accepting, and in awe of your amazing children.  And, when you switch up your views, really believe those new ideas because they are as true as your judgments.  Interested in going the extra mile?  Put a new spin on your own personality traits and watch your good feelings improve!  

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Melissa Ford

As a coach and OakPark.com blogger, it's my intention to support people to step into a bigger, more powerful version of themselves whether it's in their personal or professional life. LIfe is about living,...