Perhaps you’ll recall a pretty good independent film from about eight years ago titled, “The Tao of Steve.” In the film, Steve referred to a number of famous Steves (Steve McQueen; Steve Austin, the $6 Million Man) who personified “cool” for the main character. The “Tao of Steve” defined his philosophy of, not to put too fine a point on it, getting laid. He would tell people, “Men and women both want it, but men want it 15 minutes before women do, so if you wait 20 minutes, they’ll be chasing you for 5.” Crude admittedly, and, of course, Mr. Cool gets his comeuppance in the end when he meets Ms. Right.

Anyway, I keep thinking of that movie whenever we run another article about River Forest village board madness and mayhem because there are no less than three Steves involved–new trustees Steve Hoke and Steve Dudek and new Village Administrator Steve Gutierrez. Gutierrez probably wishes he were just about anywhere else, but Hoke and Dudek definitely seem to be in their element, mixing it up and shaking things up. River Forest village government, of course, needed to be shaken up since it had turned into Frank and the Three Dwarfs, but now they have to contend with Russ (Nummer) and the Two Steves.

I’m not sure how the Tao of Steve would play itself out in River Forest village government, but maybe that’s what’s missing.

And speaking of getting laid …

Frank Paris wasn’t speaking of that, per se, when he said–at a public meeting no less–that he didn’t want anyone asking questions like “how many times I sodomized my …” and the rest of the quote, understandably, gets a little fuzzy. Our reporter heard “parent,” but outraged board members insisted it was “parrot.” Paris stands by “parrot.” Granted, once the village president introduces the notion of sodomizing anything into public proceedings, the rest of the statement is bound to get overshadowed. And at that point, whatever he’s talking about sodomizing, even in a strictly hypothetical sense, would, at best, to be splitting hairs. Frankly, I have a difficult time wrapping my mind around either one. Then there is the obvious irony of President Paris, in effect, asking the one question he never wanted to hear uttered at a public meeting.

And River Foresters think Oak Park is crazy?

Speaking of names again …

In addition to the proliferation of Steves, another name oddity has emerged in the rivalry between Frank Paris and his chief nemesis, George Parry. Paris vs. Parry. “We’ll Always Have” Paris vs. “Thrust and” Parry. Maybe if the two rivals ever call a truce, we can split the difference and call them both “Par-ee.”

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