Wait for it. Three words to live by.

I went to a concert a few weeks ago and coming upon a rather large crowd gathered in the lobby area of the stadium, those three words fluttered into my mind. I obliged the soft voice, slowed my walking pace to a near stop while scrutinizing the slight fissures in the crowd with my eyes. Then it happened. Moses may have parted the Red Sea, but patience parted the Keith Urban fans on my way to the men’s room. I saw the opening, accelerated, zigged, zagged, and quickly darted right up to a glorious urinal.

Wait for it. Blessed relief!

The ironic thing is I have about as much patience as a gnat on a horsefly. I have two 5-year-olds who can attest to this. They’re afraid to play checkers with their dear ol’ Dad. Not because I have to remind them every 30 seconds how to play checkers, but checkers takes too long to play anyway. By the end of a game my hair is standing on end and so is one of the 5-year-olds. Normally, I would have been bunched up with that crowd at the concert, forcing myself forward to no avail. But now, inspired by the spiritual guidance of a divine superhero in shoulder pads and knee-high socks, I am a new man.

That’s right, Bears kick return specialist extraordinaire, Devin Hester, has changed the way I live my life. I’m waiting for it.

You’ve no doubt seen this god-like creature. He has run back 10 kicks for touchdowns since he arrived in the NFL last season, including two in Sunday’s thrilling 37-34 overtime victory over the Denver Broncos. I have studied this phenomenon and I know his secret. Wait for it.

It’s patience.

After catching a kickoff or a punt-or a field goal kick for that matter, he ran one of those back 108 yards last year-Hester waits for the opening in the field to develop. Jogging only lightly, he then zips to the vacant real estate and before you take your next breath, he’s in the endzone or the tunnel underneath the stands or viewing the arms of Cassiopeia at the Adler Planetarium-all depends on his lung capacity, I suppose.

The man is a comet that comes around once a week during the winter. He’s the reason we’re tuning into the Bears right now. It’s not to see Lovie Smith standing expressionless on the sideline. It’s not to see the defense allow another opponent 30 or more points-they’ve done that fives times this season. It’s not to watch Rex Grossman fumble-he’s done that six times this season.

It’s to watch … wait for it … Devin Hester.

I invite you to be inspired by this football player. Your days of seething over bumper-to-bumper traffic will be finished. You’ll never again grumble over long checkout lanes at the grocery store. Yes, I invite you, I implore you to get out there and wait for it!

Just don’t be waiting for it in front of me.

Contact: bspencer@wjinc.com

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Brad Spencer

Brad Spencer has been covering sports in and around Oak Park for more than a decade, which means the young athletes he once covered in high school are now out of college and at home living with their parents...