From the editor
Yes, it may surprise you, but I hang with some pretty well-known professional athletes. I’m a member of their entourage, a soldier in their posse, you might say. It’s a good time. Mansions, fancy clothes, fast cars, late-night parties, hob-nobbing with Hollywood celebrities; it’s a gas. I recommend it to anyone. It’s a fraternity like no other. And because we live off the fame and fortune of someone else, it’s a given that we must pull practical jokes on our benefactor. You know, to keep him real. And let me tell you, we make Ashton Kutcher’s pranks look like kid’s stuff.
For instance, I recently set up quite an elaborate prank involving dogs on a property in Virginia. I had it arranged so that our sports celeb was the owner of said property, where several malnourished dogs would be found in connection with illegal dogfighting. We’re talking over 50 dogs! You should’ve seen his reaction when animal control descended on the place. There were helicopters and everything! When I was hanging with our boy at his posh pad in Georgia he told me to lay low during the ongoing investigation.
Oh, here’s one I remember: In another group I’m connected with we had one guy come up with the brilliant idea of convincing our sports icon that he was rubbing flaxseed oil on his sore muscles, when it was actually an illegal steroid cream. Those boys in San Francisco are still laughing about that one. I hear Big G was exiled to the basement of the guesthouse-after, of course, he spent time in the slammer for obtaining the drugs.
In Baltimore a few years back, while chilling in the locker room with our boy, we switched dietary supplements with banned performance-enhancing drugs. The funny thing about that was our little joke came after our Homie had told a congressional hearing under oath that he’d never taken such drugs. Oh boy, we weren’t allowed to use the Hummer for a month after that one!
One time when we were kickin’ it in Chicago, we came up with one of the most hilarious practical jokes. We went out and bought a bunch of unregistered guns and put them in the house owned by our sports celeb. Then we called the police!
Oh man, it was worth every $100 bill seeing him led away in cuffs wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts. It was worth my gold-plated and diamond-studded Bears emblem when he walked out of jail a few weeks ago.
Once I met the boys from Tennessee in Vegas where we were able to provoke our boy into starting a fight at a strip club. When the guns came out and the bullets started flying, it was all I could do not to laugh my head off. It worked out great, because now our guy, who we call “Pacman,” is going to be home hanging with us the entire football season.
Not long ago, when the guys and I were actually in Tennessee but hangin’ with our boy from Baltimore, we decided to drive him home in his car totally drunk. Well, we got pulled over, but the joke was on our three-time Pro Bowl QB, who was issued a “DUI by consent” for allowing us to drive him and his car home drunk.
Now that’s really being punk’d!
Contact: bspencer@wjinc.com
