Our idea of hell is being trapped in a mob of noisy children who keep tromping on our toes. No, wait … Our idea of hell, now that we’ve quit drinking, is being hemmed in by a crowd of drunken, sentimental adults at a New Year’s Eve party. Forced to choose, we have decided to spend our New Year’s Eve at the Children’s New Year’s Eve Party at Wonder Works Children’s Museum, 6445 W. North Ave., from 12 to 5 p.m. on Sunday, Dec. 31 (383-4815). They’re serving “bubbly juice.” We predict our biggest challenge during the festivities will be trying to avoid getting our drink spilled while simultaneously keeping our ears plugged.

We were going to tell you something important. Rats! We’ve had it with this forgetting habit we’ve developed lately. Maybe the Memory Wire Bracelets class will help. It is at Bead in Hand, 145 Harrison St., on Thursday, Dec. 28. We forget what time it starts, but you can call them and ask them. Now where did we put that phone number? We know the class is open to ages 6 and up, though, so maybe we’ll have a chance to get acquainted with some of the same party-goers over whose heads we will be gripping our glass of bubbly juice on Sunday.

Having accomplished the above-mentioned engagements, we plan to head for the couch. We will arrange a sharpened pencil, crossword puzzle, cups of lukewarm coffee, blankets, the telephone, a reading light and our vibrating back massage pad within easy reach. Then we will arrange the pillows just so and settle in, after which we will drop our pencil under the couch, spill the coffee on the crossword, shorting out the back pad vibrator, turn off the reading light, and go to sleep. See you next year.

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