Obviously, we will be in attendance at Oak Park Public Library, 834 Lake St., on Tuesday, Oct. 10, at 7 p.m. We have to be there, now that we’re growing our new career as an international spy. But we’re not sure why anyone else needs to go, unless they’re missing an arm. Perhaps we’ve already said too much! We bring it up only to explain why you will not see us at either Science in the Stacks, a hands-on program for grades 1-5 that night from 6:30 to 7:15 p.m. at the River Forest Public Library (366-5205), or at the Ethics and Leadership Lecture by Elmer W. Johnson, Seven Stages of Leadership, the same night at 7:30 p.m. at Dominican University in Lund Auditorium, 7900 Division St., River Forest (524-6810). We’d love to be at both of these events, actually. But duty calls.

Oh, all right, fine-we’ve just been informed that we have to tell you why we’re going to the Oak Park library, even though you don’t have clearance. Geeesh. It’s a program about the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago’s development of the Bionic Arm, with Dr. Todd Kuiken, the Oak Park scientist who is credited with developing it. Call 697-6915 if you need any more information. You’re certainly not going to get it from us, even if you torture us.

It’s OK for you to know about Ninja Training Day at Master S.H. Yu Martial Arts, 6701 North Ave., on Monday, Oct. 9, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. (383-3456) because it’s actually only for ages 5-12. We can pull off that disguise easy, though, and we suspect we may be able to pick up some highly useful techniques for dealing with bad guys. Don’t greet us if you see us, or we’ll have to kill you.

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