We’re coming down to the line here, holiday-wise. We’re almost ready, and you should be, too.

If, like our husband, you actually enjoy the last-minute hubbub and plan to spend Saturday rushing around, plunging yourself into crazed crowds at shopping emporiums, may we suggest that you begin the day at Buzz Caf, 905 S. Lombard Ave. (524-2899), where the cheerful tunes of the Farmers’ Market Band will reassure you that life goes on and everything will probably turn out all right, despite your idiocy at leaving important gift decisions until the last minute. They’re playing from 8 to 11 a.m. on Saturday, Dec. 24. Yes, that’s Christmas Eve.

We’re done shopping, nyaah-nyaah. All we still have to worry about is what to give the servants on Boxing Day, which is, of course, the day after Christmas. As you know, the British tradition encourages us to invite all our hired help and tradespeople into our homes to receive tokens of our appreciation on this day. We wish we had servants to tip, but we don’t, dammit. Perhaps we’ll just go join in the Boxing Day Celebration sponsored by the Ernest Hemingway Foundation of Oak Park at the Hemingway Birthplace Home, 339 N. Oak Park Ave., on Monday, Dec. 26, from 1 to 5 p.m. (848-2222). We always get depressed after all our own presents have been opened. If we’re lucky, they’ll mistake us for the help and give us a little sump’n.

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