Dear New Leadership Party: Pick me for village trustee

Opinion

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Jack Crowe, Columnist

Pick me. I am throwing my hat in the ring for the open village trustee spot in Oak Park. And I am just the person for the job.

Since the election in April, I have embraced the NLP new paradigm and I am just back from a visit to the Vladimir Putin School of Power Politics. That is why I am in full agreement with Karen Ard's letter to the editor ("Appointed trustee should be committed to the NLP paradigm") which advises that the new NLP trustees should not give in to being nice.

Consensus on appointing the new trustee? Nyet. It is not necessary because the NLP has the votes it needs to put whomever it wants in the vacant trustee slot.

What is the NLP paradigm? The rule of four?#34;the number of votes needed to carry a majority on a seven person board. With four votes, the NLP can appoint the fifth trustee and squelch even the remote possibility of dissent against the new paradigm.

Why should the NLP show its muscle and appoint the fifth trustee? Because it can. After all, the NLP speaks for the people, and the people are the NLP. We cannot place the trust of the people in the hands of an unknown person who may not embrace the new paradigm.

Why me? If appointed, I promise to be completely dedicated to the NLP paradigm. At every board meeting, I will stomp on the grave of the VMA and its bankrupt philosophies. And as Ard pointed out, the entrenched manipulators must go.

Consultants? They can take their well-honed persuasive arguments and go to Berwyn for all we care. We will never again listen to silly consultants.

Professional planners? Pish. Who needs them? The people, in one little finger, have more wisdom than all the planners in the world.

As for developers? As trustee, I will crush them like grapes. Why? Because we can, and I will laugh as I do so in the name of the people.

While I have not yet donated, I promise that if appointed I will give a lot of money to the NLP. This donation will show my loyalty to the new paradigm. I scoff at those who say that this should disqualify me from being appointed trustee. It merely shows that I am true to the people.

I promise that I will not read the editorials of elitist newspaper editors ever again. How do they know what the people want anyway? Only the NLP knows, and it will tell you what the people want at the appropriate time.

The new paradigm does not require that anyone cooperate with consultant-loving board members who refuse to embrace the new paradigm. While it is their prerogative to reject the new paradigm, they do so at their own risk.

Even though governing is a different game from being on the outside and throwing rocks at the inside, no one will hijack the new paradigm on my watch as an NLP appointed trustee. I promise.

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