Oak Park parents propose no running T-ball league

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By JOHN HUBBUCH

April Fools' Edition
A group of Oak Park parents is proposing a new league that would ban running in T-ball. These parents, while applauding the current bifurcated system that uses a hard baseball in one league and a softer one in the other league, believe that T-ball remains unsafe for children even with the softer ball.

The group's spokesman, Francois Wimpé, cited statistics that far more children are injured tripping over first base than by a pitched or batted ball. In addition, Wimpé cited a University of Lyons study that concluded many children were dying 70 to 80 years after playing T-ball. Admitting that the study did not prove a link between death and running in T-ball, Wimpé noted, "We can't be too careful with our children's lives."

Under the proposed league, instead of running the bases, the players would roll dice or draw cards to determine the outcome of the child's at bat. Wimpé indicated that all the children would wear uniforms, cheer and get treats after the game.

"That's all the kids care about anyway. Most of them are awful," he said.

According to Wimpé, the proposed league would level the playing field and end the current system that favors those with athletic ability.

Park district boss Gary Balling, when asked for his thoughts on the proposal, said: "It seems a little different, but certainly we would like to accommodate every child and every parent. Besides, if there's no running, then you don't really need a field. You could play these games in your basement."

Reader Comments

2 Comments - Add Your Comment

Comment Policy

Luke Miller from Oak Park, Illinois  

Posted: May 3rd, 2013 11:35 PM

Brian, look at the date of the article (or more specifically the date two days after that).

Brian Galivan from Oak Park  

Posted: May 3rd, 2013 11:03 PM

The study that is cited is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. Why don't we just put all our kids in bubbles or better yet have them play sports online instead. If you don't want your kids to play baseball stop trying to ruin it for everyone else. My family has been in Oak Park for over 60 years and if this is any indication of what the future of Oak Park sports is going to be like my two sons will enjoy beating up on Oak Park sports teams from another suburb.