You will never in a trillion years recognize us in our Halloween costume. It is pure genius. We are Mom. Primordial Mom. We have a skirt on and comfortable shoes. We have a hair-do, the kind that requires a beauty parlor for up-keep. We are wearing bright pink lipstick and an eager expression, plus an apron. We know what's best for you.
We got the idea from the Oak Park Conservatory (615 Garfield St.) and their Mum Show, which runs during November (386-4700). We'll be wearing our Mom costume when we go to see it, of course, with a lovely corsage pinned to the shoulder of our cardigan.
We will be a little disappointed in those of you who attend the Halloween costume and trivia contest at Wonderwall Music Shoppe and Emporium, 329 B Harrison St., if you don't recognize us on Halloween from 4 to 8 p.m. (firstname.lastname@example.org). You will come as your favorite "HELP!" character, as directed. We will tell you to get home that minute and brush your teeth after all that candy. But if you choose not to cooperate, you, my friend, will be grounded.
It is too bad you will not be able to attend the National Model Railroad Month Open House on Saturday, Nov. 3, at Dole Branch Library, 255 Augusta St. (848-5716). You should have thought of that before you talked back to us, smartypants. You would have enjoyed seeing the incredibly elaborate model railroad layout. You could have learned a thing or two about punctuality from those nice men, who wait until exactly 12:01 p.m. to open the door and start their event. Maybe a hobby would do you good. Excuse us? Was that another smart-aleck remark?