Don't vote next Tuesday

Opinion: Columns

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By John Hubbuch

This Tuesday, Nov. 2, will be your last chance to participate this time around in the ritual of futility known as the electoral process. Newspaper editors and civic do-gooders will implore us to exercise the sacred right of choosing which of our fellow citizens will lead us to wherever we are going. What a crock. Now I know that many of you, especially the more intelligent ones, deep down know that this voting business is a great waste of time, but are being guilted into voting. So today I want to make you feel good about not voting.

Now I have carefully reviewed the ballot for you, and whittled it down to size. First, only a moron would vote for an unopposed candidate. There are lots of those running this year including, according to my sample ballot, Kimberly Lightford and La Shawn Ford. Kimberly and La Shawn need only get a single vote, and they are off to solve the mess in Springfield that they helped create. There are loads of judges unopposed as well. Hope they went to law school because they're in no matter what. Never vote for an unopposed candidate. It only encourages them.

Then there are all the "contested" races in which the pitiful Cook County Republican Party tricked some delusional egoist into running for office. It is a source of great wonder to me that, following the cartoonish rule of Todd Stroger, how anyone would ever vote for Democrats to run Cook County, but be assured come Wednesday the Democrats will win whether you have voted or not.

Now we're on to state offices like attorney general, secretary of state, comptroller and treasurer. These are bean-counting administrative jobs run by the staffs. If these positions were eliminated you'd never even know unless you had one of the thousands of patronage jobs, which are of course the real reasons these offices exist. However, I must admit I do like the Jesse White Tumblers.

So far no reason to vote for any of these candidates. But then there are the two races for U.S. Senator and state governor — the really important officials that will decide our fate. Ha! What a laugh! The governor race is between a scaredy cat career hack and some dude who is going to cut my taxes even though the state is billions in debt. Pass the peyote, man. The Senate race is between a rich kid whose main claim to fame is that he plays pick-up basketball with Barack, and a guy who repeatedly lies about his military record. Who would do that? Again, it makes no difference who wins these spotlight elections, no matter what the Tribune or the talking heads say. Things will only get slowly worse. Hopefully.

Now I know it may be hard for some of you to stay home come Tuesday. Here are some alternate activities. Read Robert Penn Warren's "All the President's Men." Rent and watch Spencer Tracy in "The Last Hurrah." Floss. Get that overdue colonoscopy. Like the clown said on the old TV show "In Living Color," "Homey don't play that."

John Hubbuch, an Indiana native who moved to Oak Park in 1976, is a retired lawyer. Hubbuch served on the District 97 school board and coached youth sports. He is the father of three and grandfather of one.

Reader Comments

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john murtagh from Oak Park  

Posted: October 30th, 2010 1:41 AM

I hate to add this to a fun blog, but I am troubled a bit. I find myself capable of being cynical about this year vapid November election. I rationalize that as TV ad withdrawal. At the same time, I am angry about the 83% of Oak Park voters that skipped last year's local elections. Maybe, I can feel the every day impact of elected OP officers while I don't feel much of anything when it is Brady or Quinn decision? Does anyone have the address of a good political psychiatrist?

John Hubbuch from Oak Park 7088482830  

Posted: October 28th, 2010 7:04 PM

OK. Fine. I will vote for one, but only one, of the bozo of your choosing next Tuesday.Just let me know who and why. Somebody please pick Baxter Swilley. I love that name. I'm especially interested in whether or not Mr. Murtagh can find someone smarter than him to vote for.

john murtagh from Oak Park  

Posted: October 28th, 2010 3:13 PM

I really like that you tunneled into our heads and wrote as many of us are thinking after the TV political blitz. That is why bother. I have seen the movies you recommended to watch instead of voting. Don't feel like seeing them again. That leaves your suggestion of a colonoscopy. After several hours of colon vs voting thinking, I am going to vote. But as always I will not vote for unopposed, unknowns, and will avoid supporting anyone that is dumber than me.

David Ristau from visiting from Lahaina, Maui  

Posted: October 28th, 2010 2:21 PM

John,Nice to read after 20 years of knowing you that your sense of humor is as funny and ascerbic as way back when.Even funnier to me is that anyone responding would actually presume you didn't write with tongue firmly in cheek.Mahalo for your contuing effort to hold up the mirror for our politicians, local, stae and national to see themselves as the emperors (or emporesses) without clothes or scruples that they truly are....

Janet Haisman from Oak Park  

Posted: October 28th, 2010 2:07 PM

Oh, John, you silly boy! You have been sitting in the back of 8th grade Social Studies class showing off again! I have to warn you that you must pass this class to graduate, and at the moment, it looks like you are on the way to an F! While I admire your spirit, your lack of knowledge and sense of responsibility are dangerously immature. By not voting, you allow yourself to be ruled by those even less competent! I'll see you after school today, and we can talk, OK? Your teacher, Mrs. H.

John Hubbuch from Oak Park  

Posted: October 28th, 2010 7:39 AM

I appreciate the thoughtful comments. I did take a high school civics class, but after the Vietnam War,Watergate, the Clinton impeachment, the invasion of Iraq and the collapse of the markets in 2008 I concluded that that class was a joke. I'm waiting for the "you must vote because those who have died for the right to vote" Not true, but emotional. Hey if it makes you feel good go ahead and vote. I will say this: it is a good excuse to leave work early.

Decimus from Oak Park  

Posted: October 27th, 2010 9:14 PM

Mr. Hubbuch: a more appropriate quote applies to your comments- "better to remain silent and have people think you an idiot, than to speak and remove all doubt". Truly amazing. I hope that you are not receiving a government pension.

Aye@rohler.org  

Posted: October 27th, 2010 9:00 PM

It never ceases to amaze me how simply snark flows forth from the uniformed. I would strongly encourage you to 1. Take a high school civics class 2. Move somewhere where you are less prone to frothing yourself into a rage over imaginary wrongs and 3. Seek some sort of counseling, either from a professional psychologist or a faith leader depending on your beliefs, you are really stewing in that whole cliche middle aged white-guy rage. I feel bad for you.

Daniel Lauber from River Forest  

Posted: October 27th, 2010 12:24 AM

I realize that columnists can't resist writing just plain stupid columns like this one. There are substantial differences among the candidates for Governor, Senator, County Assessor, and every other contest. Every vote counts and the results will make a major difference in the direction this county, state, and country take. It's a shame that Mr. Hubbuch would take such an irresponsible position when we have so many people dieing to preserve our right to vote. Hang your head in shame Mr. Hubbuch.

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