By John Hubbuch
Like most Oak Parkers I am hoping for an Obama victory in two weeks. But even the most ardent and optimistic of us must fear the possibility of a defeat. With that in mind, I have been compiling a list of defense mechanisms that may help us get through the calamity of a Romney victory and presidency. Defense mechanisms are excuses, rationalizations and coping strategies. They need not be based in fact. You need only believe them.
Racism. Obama lost because he got very little of the racist vote, which is a significant portion of eligible voters. The kkk.com poll of self-identified racists shows Obama with less than 1 percent of the vote. Although data is sketchy, "silent racists," a much larger demographic, are not strong in their Obama support.
The Republicans Cheated. Without big PAC money and voter disenfranchisement, Obama would have won. Previously used by Nixon supporters in 1960 and Gore supporters in 2000. Also used to effect by parents and players on youth sports teams.
Too Many Stupid Voters Ruin A Democracy. A significant number of Americans would repeal one or more of the Bill of Rights; believe Obama is a Muslim born in Africa; and think global warming is a liberal fiction. If only the nation was as intelligent as Oak Park voters, the best candidate would have won.
Maybe A Romney Presidency Won't Be So Bad. If you're old, white, male, affluent and healthy, you might even be better off with Romney in the White House. And if you're poor, young, female or sick, you're used to getting screwed. Romney won't be that much worse.
Anticipatory Schadenfreude. The Republicans, flush with victory, will almost certainly over-reach, thereby sowing the seeds of their destruction. The Democrats, using the Republican playbook, will do everything in their power to make sure Romney is not re-elected and blame Romney for everything. Oh, sweet irony.
We Are All Just Dust In The Wind. Seven billion inhabitants living on a cosmic speck. Life will go on for another billion years or it will end during the Romney reign. Either way, there's nothing you can do about it. Or you can go the opposite: Today We Begin The Campaign To Take Back The White House. Fired up and ready to go!
Do Something Useful. Be done with politics. Instead of watching MSNBC and yelling at the TV set and dodging Obama telefundraisers, call your mom, have dinner with a friend, go for a walk, rewatch The Wire, volunteer, take Redd Griffin's philosophy class at Triton — pretty much anything would be better than watching talking heads pander to their audience's political preferences.
Hopefully, Obama will win and you can toss this column. But just in case, set it next to the empty liquor bottle. Come Wednesday morning, Nov. 7, it might be helpful.