From the editor
Oh, we all have our bad days. The belly seems a bit more bloated, the shoulders seem a bit more slumped, and the backside seems right-tackle-wide. I usually feel like this on Super Bowl Sunday. It has to do with the comfortable couch cushion, the assortment of chips and dips, the plentiful liquid hydration, and the body’s four full hours in the sweet supine position.
This is why I’m rooting for the New York Giants to upset the New England Patriots this Sunday.
Huh?
It all makes sense, trust me. There’s no need to analyze quarterback ratings or rushing yards, or anything else for this Super Bowl. It’s cut and dry who you should be pulling for in this game. I’m telling you, it’s a no-brainer. Unless you’re planning to munch on celery sticks, sip soy milk, and get your hair coiffed, nails manicured, and feet massaged as you watch the game, then you too will be rooting for the Giants. You need to be either from the New England area, a supermodel, and/or female to be pulling for the Patriots.
That’s it, right there, Tom Brady, an advertisement in a magazine. He’s wrapped in a thick wooly coat, looking debonair. I think he’s pitching cologne, but I turn the page, feigning disgust. Someday, yes, I may buy the cologne, maybe even a thick wooly coat. But it won’t make me happy. That’s the reason I’m hoping the Patriots don’t win their 19th consecutive game this season. It’s shallow and superficial, but this Super Bowl is about the ugly and the pretty. I’m not saying Giants quarterback Eli Manning is ugly, but Brady-beautiful he’s not. And I can’t believe I just typed that last sentence. Tom Brady is a handsome man. There, I got it off my chest.
I want the Giants to win because they are the underdogs … I want the Giants to win because they are the underdogs … I want the Giants to win because Tom Brady intimidates me. Yikes! I can’t escape it!
Women fawn over Brady. He’s dated Brazilian supermodels, Hollywood starlets, and god knows what other exotic creatures of the earth. He’s rich and famous. He’s already won three Super Bowls. And I’m so jealous-and pathetic-I want him and his team to lose on Sunday. It’s literally the only reason I want the Giants to win. It’s because Tom Brady is not an everyman. He seems to have it all. No flaws. Would it kill him to have one acne scar, a lazy eye, excessive back hair, club feet?
My disgust for this guy and the Patriots was perpetuated by something my wife said recently. When asked which team she wanted to win on Sunday, she excitedly responded, “Tom Brady’s team, because he’s hot!”
Ugh … made me want to barf my buffalo wings. But not all of them.
Giants 24, Patriots 21
