Moron Mercury

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By Dave Coulter

Rough Edges

Planet #1, our neighbor Mercury, is  basking in the sunshine of Earthly media attention this week. But I’m confused by the Mixed Messages regarding the Cosmic Messenger.  First of all, kudos to NASA for their successful Messenger Mission to Mercury. Say that ten times fast.  

We’re getting back photos - as we speak - that once again show another lifeless, crater-filled world.   If that sight doesn’t make you want to hug a tree, or buy some discounted irradiated sushi from Whole Foods, I don’t know what will.   

You should enjoy these photos now because,  secondly,  Mercury is going into retro-grade. The assorted astrological portals portend this, beginning today.  I think.  This will cause all manner of hiccups in Transit and Communication.  In fact, if I were one of those smug mission controllers at NASA, I’d be looking out for jealous Mercury (Planet and God, mind you) to throw a cosmic boomerang at Messenger’s fancy cellphonecamerapod.  

There’s an exciting sci-fi symmetry here.  Humans launch probe to Distant World, right at the moment Distant  World has a major mood swing.  What did the Monolith say in 2001?  Or was it 2010?   “Hey! Keepa you mitts offa Europa!”

You’ve been warned.

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