By John Hubbuch
Although I'll vote for Obama in the November election, I've become interested in the Republican primary. It's like when the NBA went on strike. You got to watch some hoops. So you watch the WNBA or the NBA's development league. Since Obama is unopposed, I've begun to follow the Republican candidates.
Next Tuesday I've decided to cast my vote in the Republican primary for Rick Santorum. There is a slight problem. Rick didn't get around to getting an actual delegate on the ballot, so I can only vote for him in the presidential beauty contest. I just hope that if he wins the general election he doesn't forget where he may have put that nuclear football thing.
I'm voting for Mr. Santorum for a number of reasons. First, I'm a big fan of the sweater vest, and he clearly supports that old school attire. I feel sure he's got some weejuns and bellbottoms in his closet. I'm old school, and so is Rick.
He's the one candidate who is actually doing something about Social Security. He has seven kids that will be paying into the system, and if those seven have seven and they have seven.... there just may be light at the end of the tunnel. Rick walks the walk.
He also has the courage of his convictions. For Rick life is sacred. If a woman is raped, it's a blessing. It's kind of extreme, but extemism in defense of life is no vice. WWSD. What would Savonarola do? He would support the Santorum agenda. Many Americans are sick and tired of moral relativism, poronography, gay marriage, piercings and tofu. Santorum will get us back on track and save our country's soul. Church and state working together to make a better world.
Finally, on his first day in the Oval Office, he will bomb Iran and stop pussyfooting around. Many Americans are tired of sanctions and negotiation. We need to do something, and Santorum will.
Although I will vote for Obama this fall, Santorum offers the best contrast for the American voter. We can finally decide between competing world visions: modern v. medieval. So I urge all Oak Parkers to vote for Rick Santorum in next Tuesday's election.