By John Hubbuch
One of my New Year's resolutions is to be a nicer person. So that means I only have a few hours to write some last mean things before the bell tolls at midnight.
I've been trying to figure out why I hate Oprah, the world's most popular person. She even has her own television network. Now I don't think I hate her because she is a powerful black women. I like Michelle Obama, and I think Queen Latifah is cool. It's not that I am jealous of her fame and fortune. I have enough money, and I don't want to fly on a private jet. In fact I don't want to fly anywhere. Besides Oprah doesn't have a grand daughter. I do.
There are two main reasons why I hate Oprah. First, she is the High Priestess of Materialism. Her "Favorite Things" show where she gives away all kinds of junque-- purses and shoes and jewlelry with fancy labels to a bunch of orgasmic people is truly John Edwards- disgusting. No wonder bin Laden hates us.
Second, she is a fraud. Her message of empowerment and that you can achieve your bliss by just wishing it so is pitiful. Things may have turned out OK for Oprah, but you can't always get what you want. In fact, many of her listeners will never get what they want --especially if it's a Hermes bag. Her poor dumb audience reminds me of those folks who feel strongly about taxing incomes over a million dollars who are barely getting by running a little store on Main Street.
That felt good. Now I need to practice being nicer. Let's see. John Boehmer sure has a nice tan. That District 200-VOP lawsuit is a great stimulus plan for lawyers. Pat Quinn is smarter than a turnip.
I'm thinking resolutions are made to be broken. Happy New Year