I'm Thinking About Running For Village Trustee

I have decided to form an exploratory committee to run for Village Trustee. So far I'm the only one on  the committee. All my family members have refused to join the committee. My wife Marsha has even called my idea to run "absurd". A bit harsh I thought.

The main reason that I would run is to get material for this blog and my column. I'm tired of providing opinion about matters that I don't really know much about. If I were on the Board, I'd have a wellspring of info and juicy gossip to pass on to my readers.

If I run, I would tout my education: Vanderbilt BA 1971 and University of Chicago Law School JD 1974; and my profession: a lawyer representing Lloyds of London. I wouldn't emphasize that my main job was to write long boring reports that only .00001% of the population would have even passing interest in.

Unlike Newt, I've been married to the same woman for 40 years, and raised three kids. I've been a resident since 1976. I have experience having served on a bunch of boards, and was president of the high school's booster club and the YMCA. Never mind that one of the main reasons I served as president  was to make sure the meetings got over quickly. I almost forgot. I served on the District 97 Board when there were one-room school houses. I must say I'm not very religious, but that's not my fault. If God will just give me a vision, my faith would definitely strengthen.

I think I have much to offer. Honesty will be my campaign's center piece. So I need to make some disclosures from the very beginning. I'm not staying for any meeting past 10 p.m. I will just skim written material that is boring and hard to understand. I will try to make other Board members laugh. If public comment goes on too long, is redundant or stupid I will make snide remarks or go to the bathroom. My campaign will be based on improving service and programs without raising taxes, enhancing diversity, helping the poor, encouraging merchants — you know, the usual.

Now it takes money to run a campaign, so I would appreciate if you would send money (cash only) to me. If I don't run, I promise to give half of it back. Together we can take Oak Park back from... I'm not sure, but I'll think of something.